Deidara In Fruits Basket
by Burnt Taco
Summary: Deidara seems to be having the hardest time adjusting to his new environment when Hidan and the other Akatsuki slowly begin to show up and ease his pain; but will the Akatsuki ever find their way home to their dark cave of wonders? We shall see...
1. Stuck in Fruits Basket

Deidara was 19. An S-rank missing nin from Iwogakure. His long, blond hair in his signature half pony tail. He opened his eyes; he was on the ground, propped up against a tree, and in a world that was covered in snow. He got up and groaned, as he did so he slipped once more on an ice patch hitting his head on the tree he had been propped up against located directly behind him and passing out once more. In the distance Tohru Honda had watched the stranger and rushed over to help the strange person up off the ground. She looked down and spoke to herself,

"Oh no, oh no, this poor, poor young woman has knocked herself out after having a nap!" Tohru looked into the stranger's blue 'eye' and decided she ought to help this person out and with that she forcibly dragged Deidara's body to her home, the home of Shigure.

* * *

Shigure was in his office but when Tohru came home he immediately came out, Yuki also coming out from his room upstairs.

"Tohru!" Shigure cried, "Who's your friend?" He bent over Deidara to get a better look at the outsider.

"I-I don't know," Tohru stammered, "I just found her-" Deidara opened his eyes and put his hand over Tohru's mouth,

"I AM NOT A '_HER_'-un," he said through gritted teeth, clearly annoyed; every ounce of bitterness he could muster was put into the word 'her'. Shigure and Tohru had looks of utter shock on their faces, Shigure tilted his head,

"You're a '_he_'?" Deidara was about to answer when there was a loud _bang_ from above and Kyo came storming down the hallway stairs… He looked flustered, more flustered than usual. He was screaming, what else is new?

"WHAT IS _HE_ DOING HERE?" Kyo cried, dragging Momiji down the stairs with him by the blond hair atop his head, "and who the hell is that?" He pointed his finger at Deidara and Deidara looked as though he was about to explode, which we all know is extremely likely. **(: BT: Aww, crap, I ran out of food! I need more brain food! :)**

"I AM DEIDARA-un!" Deidara began, staring down each of the Sohma individually, "HOW THE HELL COULD YOU NOT KNOW ME?" Everyone shrugged, "I AM AN S-RANK MISSING NIN TERRORIST BOMBER!" Momiji looked at Deidara innocently,

"what does '_missing nin_' mean?" Deidara seemed to burst into flames at this comment, his anger burned with the white hot intensities of a thousand suns,

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A MISSING NIN IS-un?" Momiji nodded, "do you see this headband-un?" Momiji nodded once more, "do you see the line in the middle of the symbol?" Once again, Momiji nodded while looking at the Akatsuki member with utmost fear. "Well, the line means THAT I'M A MISSING NIN-un! GOT IT MEMORIZED?" Momiji nodded and felt tears well up in his eyes, Deidara disregarded him, having a partner like Tobi helped to make his heart cold and allow him to ignore the petty tears. Shigure eyed Deidara carefully and said to him in a very even voice,

"I thought that the headband was just a carefully picked accessory, you pull it off quite well." Kyo stepped forward and grabbed Deidara's headband, cautiously tying it around his own forehead, he liked the feeling of the headband on his forehead,

"I want one, get me one," Kyo ordered. Momiji had the innate ability to get over fear in a heartbeat like Tobi, to Deidara's great displeasure,

"Why does he look like a mädchen? *Insert Awkward Silence* Tohru tried to break the silence, "I absolutely love your dress! It looks so cute!" She commented, Deidara looked at her with much hatred,

"It. Is. A. Cloak. Not. A. Dress!" He replied, staring Tohru down. Tohru looked down in shame. The room fell silent once more time… Until Kagura came through Shigure's paper window screaming in inaudible tongues,

"KYO, MARRY ME! I LOVE YOU!" Kagura came flying, straight into the stranger Deidara who instantly tried to catch her. She was caught by surprise because she had also thought that Deidara was a girl, his eye widened but was blinded by a big poof of smoke and when the smoke had dissipated he looked down to see a brown boar sitting in his hands.

* * *

Deidara had disregarded the group and was contemplating ways that he could get home, he was ready to finally capture the Kyuubi and make the one called Sasuke suffer. He was intent on leaving as soon as possible but he always came across the same problem, he didn't know where he was and he didn't know how he was to get home. In the end he decided that he might as well stay in this weird place for a little longer while he figured out ways to get home. Momiji had stayed at Shigure's house and began to sing that special little song of his,

"Who's in the forest strolling? The birds and the bees sing Momiji! The frogs in the pond are calling Momiji, yes, it's true!" Deidara turned his head to look at the little fool, glaring intensely,

"You dare sing that song in the almighty presence of Deidara?" Momiji looked clueless, he hadn't realized that back home Tobi had sung a song almost identical to the one Momiji had sung. (Who's in the forest strolling? The birds and the bees sing Deidara! The frogs in the pond are calling Deidara, yes, it's true!) Kagura had finally transformed behind the two who bickered. (P.S. That would be Deidara and Momiji if you didn't figure it out yourself). Deidara seemed to turn around at just the right time and see that the little brown boar had been replaced by a naked girl with dark brown hair who had wrapped her arms around Kyo.

"I love you!" She chimed.

"WHY IS SHE NAKED?" Deidara looked disturbed, slightly shocked; not far away Momiji began to sing his song once more because he didn't get the message last time, he forgot that Deidara disapproved of his song, but once he said the word 'Who' Deidara glared at him and reached into his pouch of clay, working the clay into one of his sculptures. He threw many of these sculptures at Momiji who was still singing, and detonated them upon contact. Kyo looked to the others,

"I like him."

* * *

**Look, I revised it! My writing style back from last summer was a load of crap! I've worked intently on fixing it, and this is the fruit of my labor! Yeah, I'm pretty proud. It's not '**_**college level amazing writing from the gods**_**' but it's A-maze-ing for **_**ME**_**! Thanks to those who review and thanks for the advice on things hippielicious! I'm glad that you're around, otherwise I'd die.**

**~Burnt Taco**


	2. The Cultural Festival

Deidara lay on Shigure's couch, sleeping peacefully. Tohru didn't know how old he was, deciding he wasn't very much older than seventeen she shook him in an attempt to wake him from his opened his eyes, looking up at Tohru,

"What do you want-un?"

"It's time for school," she cried happily, "Yuki and Kyo don't have any extra uniforms and you can't wear that dress to school…" Tohru pondered the many different possibilities, "Since you're already wearing a dress you can wear my uniform to school…" Deidara was still in sleep mode and consented to wearing Tohru's school uniform to school on the day of the cultural festival. Yuki snuck the stranger into his classroom, whereas Tohru and Kyo went off to make onigiri for the festival, every head in the class turned to see the foreigner enter the room with 'Prince' Yuki. The prince left the room to go and change into the dress that some of his classmates had made him while one of Yuki's fangirls ran up and began to harass Deidara,

"What's a new girl like _you_ doing with the prince?" Deidara looked at her hardly and intently, his eyes steely and cold,

"First of all, I am a man not a girl," Deidara said, his voice surprisingly masculine, "also, I'm only with this one," he gestured at Yuki, flicking his half pony tail in his direction, "because I needed to find my way to this school, without him I would be lost." The fangirls looked down at Deidara's choice of wardrobe,

"Are you androgynous?" Yuki came back into the class, and all heads once again turned to glare at Deidara,

"NO, I am not androgynous-un!"

* * *

As the cultural festival commenced Deidara went over to Tohru and Kyo, they had decided to make various onigiri for the festival and one just happened to look like a cat. Deidara picked up the cat onigiri eyeing it carefully,

"What's wrong with this one?" One of the girls walking past looked at it and examined it,

"I think it looks cute, it's a cat!" Deidara didn't like it, he wanted to make it explode so very badly but he had forgotten his explosive clay at home; he sighed,

"The ignorant can't appreciate true art-un," Deidara said, Momiji and Hatori had come with Yuki on their tail. Momiji had gone back to Yuki and jumped onto his head,

"Why do Yuki _and _Deidara look like mädchen now?" Deidara turned immediately, his anger equivalent to the flame of Krakatoa.

"SHUT UP! Momiji, even Buddha's patience has its limits; if you keep talking I will decide you death!" Deidara spat, he was about to get down and strangle the small fool. Momiji became scared and looked to Hatori for protection,

"WAH, HARI-CHAN DEIDARA IS TRYING TO HURT ME!" Momiji screamed which irked Kyo who screamed back at Momiji and hitting him,

"Shut it!"

"WAH, TOHRU, KYO HIT ME!" Momiji screamed once more, tears streaming down his face.

"Kyo, don't you think that was a bit harsh?" Tohru looked concerned.

"No!" Kyo and Deidara replied in unison.

* * *

Yuki in the background looked down shamefully

"Prince Yuki doesn't look very happy," one girl said; others joined in and replied to her comment,

"That's probably because his dress is too cute," another person replied. Deidara gasped,

"How come _they_ don't call _him_ androgynous-un?" Deidara ranted.

"It's because they all love that damn rat." Kyo complained. Deidara and Kyo began to simmer in their hatred of Yuki,

"Hey… Yuki! When did you become a girl?" Hatori said with a very calm demeanor,

"…You've seen me naked many times, are you making fun of me now…?" Yuki was clearly losing his cool; all the girls in the mob of High School students gasped while murmured things and giggling; meanwhile Hatori took out his stethoscope and began examining Yuki's chest.

"What's wrong with Yuki?" Tohru asked, worried in her motherly way.

"I hope it's fatal." Deidara muttered to himself, Kyo overheard and they both smiled.

"Yuki has weak bronchial tubes. When he was young he had asthma attacks. Although after he grew up he had no problems but to be on the safe side." Hatori explained; while Hatori was explaining Momiji had jumped on the onigiri booth and began to eat the various types of onigiri.

"Stop! You can't sit on that," a girl from Tohru's class cried out,

"What are you doing…?" Kyo said, "Idiot," he yelled. Tohru ran over to help Momiji down but Kyo had already grabbed and strapped Momiji to a chair behind a curtain so as to make sure no one see him anymore; hitting Momiji on the head, Kyo screamed,

"SIT HERE AND DON'T MOVE!"

"WAAAAH, TOHRU-CHAN, KYO HIT ME AGAIN!" Momiji screamed, tears falling everywhere.

"Can I hit him next?" Deidara asked as Momiji slipping out of his chair and jumping into the arms of Tohru, with a puff of oddly colored smoke there was a bunny in her hands.

"WHAT THE _HELL_?" Deidara said, "I LEARNED THE HENGE NO JUTSU BUT I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT MOMIJI MIGHT KNOW IT!" He was overwhelmed by the onslaught of new information that his mind just gave up and he passed out once more, the other High School students opened the curtain and saw Tohru holding a yellow rabbit and Momiji's clothes all over the floor. Kyo looked very frustrated and as though he was going to murder Momiji; the secret was going to get out about the Sohma Family, he stuttered trying to explain it all but it was Yuki who started a diversion and drew everyone's attention away from Momiji to himself,

"You think that is strange? Then, I am also… very strange… I… as a man… dressed like this is very strange…" Everyone turned their heads towards Yuki seeming to forget the incident that happened with Tohru, Momiji, and Kyo just moments ago. They all surrounded Yuki and began to compliment him.

* * *

Tohru ran away with Momiji, still in the form of a rabbit, wrapped tightly in her arms. Deidara woke up soon after and came up the stairs looking for some fresh air when he found the Sohma and Tohru.

"YOU ANNOYING LITTLE BRAT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" Kyo shrieked in Momiji's face. Momiji looked as though he was about to cry,

"As a punishment you can't go out for a week," Hatori said calmly, "Momiji you need to think before you act." Momiji looked shameful, "Okay, let's go home." With that they left, and Momiji wasn't to be seen for a week.

Deidara grinned on the way home and looked like a girl trapped in the love bubble but he didn't care, he didn't care at all. He was a happy young man and knew that the next week would be peaceful…

* * *

**Olo, (that's from Megamind for those who don't recognize it)**

**I am very pleased to say that I have edited and attempted to revise chapter 2 like I did with chapter 1! If you like it, feel free to comment on it; I will make sure that chapter 3 comes out as soon as possible without me falling behind in Fools Crow. I think that book is creepy –very, very creepy. I may actually revise the revised version sometime later...**

**Okay, thanks for the support, my friends,**

**~Burnt Taco**


	3. Jashin Damn It!

Deidara once again sat on the couch awaiting something interesting to catch his eye, in his hand he held a piece of pink bubblegum with which Burnt Taco thinks is disgusting. He eyed it curiously and finally asked Kyo,

"What is this 'gum'-un?" He and Kyo had gotten along the best and he found it easiest to ask stupid questions to Kyo instead of any of the others. He had become friendly with Kyo through the act of inflicting pain upon Momiji.

"It's something that you put into your mouth," Deidara put the gum into the mouth on his hand, "not that hand," Kyo sighed. Deidara scowled, he thought that this gum had been a new high-tech explosive device used to inflict a thousand leagues of pain upon his enemies. "Put that into your mouth and chew it a bit," Kyo continued, "once that's over with just blow a bubble," Kyo looked down and bit his lip as Deidara tried once with the mouth on his hand. He sighed, how had this guy thought that he was supposed to use the mouth on his hand, he thought, most people use the mouth located on their face! Deidara proceeded to attempt to blow a bubble with the gum in his hand-mouth and it exploded into many pieces thoroughly covering the furniture in Shigure's house,

"I like this 'gum' it is quite artistic and can be used to inflict pain on the fool Momiji-un."

* * *

Outside lying on the lawn lay Hidan, who had awoken from a Jashinist ritual on the ground of this strange world. Hidan got up off the ground and looked around at the curious surroundings then at Deidara,

"WHAT THE F***ING HELL, WHERE AM I? KAKUZU, WHERE THE **** DID YOU GO?" Deidara having heard a commotion came out onto the lawn to see what was happening when Hidan began to demand answers,

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE, DEIDARA?"

"I don't know where we are but I found this amazing substance called 'gum'-un!" Deidara added air quotes around the word gum to make it stick out as he chewed on more gum and covered all of the lawn and coated Hidan evenly. Deidara eyed Hidan and continued to ramble on about his gum,

"I wonder if I can make a bird out of this…" Deidara proceeded to attempt this feat and as he made the bird explode like his clay birds he realized that it did not explode but it would implode in on itself. Tohru exited the house and looked at Deidara with a shock in her eyes,

"Why aren't you dressed for school?" Deidara's eyes glazed over as he remembered the Cultural Festival, "Your bloody friend can come along!" Tohru continued, Deidara snapped out of his trance and pointed at Tohru,

"I refuse to wear that again, it is Hidan's turn." Hidan snickered,

"You wore that? There's not way in hell that I would wear that!" Tohru thought this over with the others, after a few minutes of conspiring they decided to let Deidara get his way and wear the 'man uniform' since he already went through the pain of the girly outfit. Shigure put up a good argument about how Deidara had looked so cute in the uniform but he was overruled by the others. **(: BT: Don't worry, Deidara will get his share of girly uniform too… :) **Tohru looked into Deidara's eye and said to him reassuringly,

"Yuki has an extra uniform that you can use today, unfortunately that's the only boy's uniform that we have," she turned to Hidan, "you'll have to wear one of my uniforms if you come with us."

"I don't think that I would like to join you," Hidan began,

"You're coming." Deidara said through gritted teeth as he dragged Hidan inside the house. Tohru handed the girls' uniform to Hidan who looked at it like it was some kind of poison; he looked around after he had gotten dressed,

"Where did I leave my scythe?" He wandered outside and found a young man with long sheets of silver hair and golden eyes sitting on his scythe and staring at him intently.

"What the f*** are you doing with my scythe?" Hidan asked the stranger,

"Oh, tis your bloody triple-bladed, scythe?" Ayame said as he got up off the ground, behind him Deidara exited the house with a smile,

"Let's go," he said to Hidan.

* * *

As the group went to the school Hidan caught the sights of many young men on the streets, he felt awkward but knew that the young men felt just as awkward as he did since he didn't have Deidara's girlish charm. He strapped his scythe to the back of him as he always did as a way to keep from losing it. The students at the school wondered who this new young man in a girls' uniform with a bloody scythe on his back was. The murmurs grew louder when Hidan approached, he scowled at the students when he heard them mention the word _'androgynous'_. Hidan began to swear at the students and throw punches at them while Tohru told him to stop.

"Deidara, your friend is scary and has a bad potty mouth. Swearing isn't allowed in school, you know," Tohru whispered at the other Akatsuki member. Deidara sighed,

"Hidan will never stop swearing, it's a part of who he truly is," Deidara replied calmly.

Hidan's ears caught someone say that there was an endurance run today in Phys. Ed. he became enraged.

"ENDURANCE RUN, WHAT THE HELL IS AN ENDURANCE RUN? LIKE HELL WILL I RUN AN ENDURANCE RUN AS LONG AS I'M IN THIS THING!" Hidan shrieked pointing out the girls' uniform. Kyo thought about the Endurance Run and snickered,

"Finally, I will finally beat that damn rat, Yuki!" Yuki, hearing his name turned around to speak to Tohru,

"Miss Honda, where's Miss Uotani?" Tohru looked at him,

"Uo thought today was a good day to skip,"

"WHOA, WHOA, WE COULD HAVE SKIPPED THIS SHIT? F*** THIS SHIT!" Deidara looked at him angrily and sneered, "Hidan, shut the f*** up and just run, don't act like a little bitch-un. I'm turning into you-un…" he remarked after he thought back at how much more swearing he was doing. Deidara and Hidan didn't have gym uniforms and fought over the last boys' uniform…

***FLASHBACK!***

The locker room was empty, the other students had all left after getting changed but Hidan and Deidara were at a loss because they didn't have uniforms. The rummaged around the lost and found in the changing rooms and both dove for the one in the boys' locker room, Hidan having to sneak inside since he was wearing a girls' uniform and didn't want to be caught. Both gripped the uniform tightly, each pulling on it.

"DEIDARA, GIVE ME THE F***ING UNIFORM, UNLIKE YOU, _I_ CAN PASS AS A MAN!" Hidan cried, pulling on the uniform freeing it from Deidara's grasp.

"DAMN YOU, HIDAN, I WANT THE BOYS' UNIFORM! JUST BECAUSE I CAN PASS AS A FEMALE DOESN'T MEAN I _WANT_ TO!" Deidara shrieked, trying to get the uniform back from Hidan and having no luck doing so. Hidan grinned,

"It's mine… You pass as a lovely young woman anyway…" Deidara's cheeks turned red,

"SHUT THE F*** UP, YOU BASTARD!" Deidara yelled, stomping away in defeat. He raced over to the girls' locker room and grabbed a girls' uniform to wear. He wasn't about to skip and disappoint Tohru since she had helped him that fateful day when he had hit his head on the tree and she had helped him back up and given him a place to stay.

***FLASHBACK END!***

The girls began to run, Deidara pushing his way to the front. He was going to beat the other girls and he was going to finish before Hidan. Hanajima fell behind the rest of the girls, saying she could no longer run while Deidara sprinted past her,

"I will make it to the end and beat the crap out of Hidan," he shouted. He thought about the best way to do this and realized that if he slowed his pace down considerably he could then gloat about how he was much faster than Hidan without having Hidan complain that Deidara had a head start. Deidara slowed to a stop, and let the others catch up. Hidan came bouncing by,

"Deidara, what are you doing?" He inquired, still performing a bouncing jog.

"Me? I have been waiting here for you to catch up so that I may show you who the better man is," Deidara replied slyly, he saw Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru run down a hill nearby and help a man with white hair. Hidan and Deidara disregarded them and continued to run,

"I will defeat you," Deidara yelled at the top of his lungs as he sped alongside Hidan.

"Wanna bet? Jashin will make it so that I shall win," Hidan retorted, they ran until they thought they saw the end. Deidara mustered all the speed he could as he rushed past Hidan in the last few feet, Hidan began to cuss at him. Deidara turned back and looked at Hidan, who was just finishing up,

"TAKE THAT, YOU MAY HAVE FORCED ME INTO THIS GIRLS' UNIFORM BUT I WAS STILL ABLE TO KICK YOUR ASS," Deidara gloated.

"F*** YOU, DEIDARA, JASHIN WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD," Hidan panted.

"Now, let us proceed to go home, the others must be there by now," Deidara said, remembering the man with the white hair and how Tohru would have most likely helped him and taken him to Shigure's home. Hidan said something incomprehensible under his breath.

* * *

The walk home became engulfed in swear words and screaming, when they got home the pair of Akatsuki saw Yuki in bed and Kyo screaming at the man with the white hair who walked around the house naked. Hidan wasn't fazed but Deidara covered his eyes in disgust, then out of the corner of his eye Hidan saw someone looking through the hole in Shigure's paper window. He was unable to figure out who this person was but he ignored it and continued to watch the group bicker.

* * *

**Hi hi!**

**I have completed the next revised chapter, finally! heh heh… Alright, so Kakuzu is next? Yes? Maybe… It shall be finished some other time, my friend, Maryn (Not their real name…) is bugging me to get a facebook. Well, get ready to see my blank profile!**

**~Burnt Taco**


	4. Kakuzu's Chapter

**Another disclaimer: The characters of Naruto belong to Masashi Kishimoto and the characters of Fruits Basket belong to Natsuki Takuya!**

**This is one of the best stories I've written, and I love it too! I can just be so random and people just eat that stuff up! Especially my friends!**

**

* * *

**

Recap: Deidara and Hidan, members of Akatsuki, are stuck in the Fruits Basket world and can't get home.

Hidan and Deidara had come home from school after the Endurance Run to find Kyo yelling at Hatsaharu who was walking around naked, they don't know him, and Yuki in bed. What they didn't see was the person outside the house glaring at them through the window. This person was Hidan's partner Kakuzu!

"Hidan, where the hell have you been?" Kakuzu asked as he entered the house, "I've been looking for you for 2 weeks now."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 2 WEEKS? I'VE BEEN GONE FOR 1 DAY!" Hidan screamed back.

Now let's just fast-forward this a little bit. Hidan and Kakuzu were reunited in a heartfelt tear jerking reunion full of swearing. Now it's Valentines Day! Deidara went with Tohru and the others to school while Hidan and Kakuzu stayed home. Kakuzu said they had to get jobs in this weird world so they could continue the steady cash flow to Pein.

"But how are we supposed to get the fricken money to Pein anyway?" Hidan inquired.

"Pein will probably find his way to this world soon and that is when we can give him the money. For now we can keep it in a safe that I will buy. If any of you touch it you die."

*Sigh* "Don't even try. He can tell if even a penny's missing… And Jashin will tell me if any of the money is missing." Hidan said.

Hidan got into the fast food business, he's a cashier, **(: BT: lol he's going to get fired soon for flipping off the customers XD :)** and ironically Kakuzu got a job at a bank, he handles the money. **(: BT: It's also pretty obvious that Kakuzu's going to steal money from someone's bank account… lol :)**

**Meanwhile at the school:**

Deidara, still in a girls' uniform, opened his locker only to be flooded by chocolates. He picked up the one nearest his hand,

"I don't care if you're a guy I still think you're pretty," he read, "What the hell?"

"It's Valentines Day so some people put chocolates in other people's lockers that they like." Hanajima said.

They continued walking the halls to class when a girl ran up to Deidara and hugged him holding out a box filled with Valentines chocolates.

"Deidara I feel bad for you! Everyone calls you a girl! You're so cute and masculine!" She said.

"Oh God! You're the first girl! Thank you so much!" He said tears of joy streaming from his eyes. If only Tobi could see his senpai so happy! The group went to Yuki's locker and Hanajima and Uotani wanted chocolates to flood out on top of Yuki just like Deidara's locker did to him. They did not; they looked for the cause when Deidara, Uo, and Hana found something interesting.

"There are lots of chocolates in this trash can right next to Yuki's locker." Deidara stated.

"Oh, the girls who put this one chocolate in Yuki's locker were exhibiting the same behavior as the cuckoo birds… The cuckoo bird pushes the egg of the magpie out of the nest… the girls wanting their own chocolate to be noticed, throw out the chocolate placed before them… the evidence is in that trash can full of chocolates Deidara discovered. And the person who targets the last chocolate is me." Hana said holding the chocolate left in Yuki's locker. Then before they knew it Kyo randomly came up and hit the wall in front of Yuki…

**Now's a great time for us to catch up with Hidan at the fast food joint!**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT ANY ****ING LETTUCE? YOU'RE GOING TO EAT THE ****ING LETTUCE AND LIKE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAY NO LETTUCE ON THIS DAMN MACHINE!" Hidan screamed at the customers cowering in the corner. He then picked up many pieces of lettuce and threw them all at the customers. "EAT IT! EAT THE DAMN LETTUCE! YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M TAKING MY BREAK!" He thought that on his break he could at least go and pester Deidara.

**That's enough of Hidan. Let's check up with Kakuzu now.**

"This money isn't being put to use. I'll have to fix that." Kakuzu grumbled as he stuffed numerous wads of hundred dollar bills into his pockets.

"Um, sir? Could I get some assistance here?" A man asked.

"WHAT?" Kakuzu uttered loudly. "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?"

"What are you doing?"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING? I'M TAKING MONEY! NOW I'M GOING HOME TO PUT THIS IN MY SAFE!" Kakuzu spoke loudly at the man. On his way back home he bumped into his partner. They decided to pay Deidara a little visit at the school.

**I think we know now that they suck at their new jobs. But I think Deidara is finally blending in at school. Yay!**

After they watched Kyo hit the wall by Yuki another girl ran up to Deidara.

"Dei-chan! You're soooooo cute! How could those guys think that you're a girl? You're so masculine!"

"You know I'm a guy!"

"All of us girls know you're a guy!"

"Thank you!" He whispered at the sky, "Kyo! Wait for me!" He ran after Kyo who was walking away.

"Kyo-kun! I'm giving you this chocolate as a gift!" A girl said handing Kyo a bag of chocolate.

"OY! Deidara!" Hidan cried loudly as he walked down the hallway, "What's the **** is that you're holding?"

"It's called 'chocolate' and it tastes yummy!" Deidara said.

"How much did that cost you? Do you have the change?" Kakuzu asked.

"I got it as a gift! A girl gave it to me!" Deidara said beaming.

"I want some of that!" Hidan yelled lunging at Deidara.

"Hidan is it? You don't have to take Deidara's chocolates! I have some for you too!" A girl said hugging Hidan.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He projected back.

"It's Valentines Day! Silly goose! So I'm giving you your chocolates and a hug!"

"Um, thanks I guess?" Hidan replied.

"Hidan give me that! I will sell it on E-bay!"

"And what the **** is this E-bay you speak of?"

"It is this place where I can sell things to people around the world. They call it the 'International Garage Sale'. I heard about it at work." Kakuzu replied trying to grab the chocolates.

"GET YOUR OWN!" Hidan shouted.

"Deidara, your friends are scary." Tohru whispered at the Akatsuki member.

"Since when have they been my friends?" Deidara asked.

"There are some bad waves emanating from them. The new one is particular." Hana said.

"And the loud one swears a lot." Yuki added.

"You get used to it." Deidara shrugged. In the background Hidan and Kakuzu were still fighting over the chocolates.

"Give me them Hidan! Or I will rip your head off, and not sew it back on!"

"DAMN YOU KAKUZU NO! THESE ARE MINE! JASHIN WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO RIP MY HEAD OFF!" Hidan screamed. Deidara stepped forward.

"Shut the hell up. You are giving me a migraine." He calmly said. "And if you two don't stop I will be forced to blow you into little bits." Every head in the hall turned to look at them.

"DEIDARA! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TELLING ME TO BE QUIET! JASHIN WILL KILL YOU!"

"HIDAN YOU FORCED ME TO HURT YOU! AND I WILL AIM FOR YOUR HEAD!"

"And Hidan, when your head comes flying I will let it fly out the window." Kakuzu said. "And don't expect me to sew it back on again unless you give me those damn chocolates."

"What is your deal with the chocolates?" Hidan projected.

"I will not pass a chance to get money! Our organization needs all the money it can get!" Kakuzu said.

"NO YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!" Hidan screamed. Deidara made his clay sculptures and Kakuzu dragged Hidan over by a window. BAM! Deidara blew up his art and Hidan's head flew out the window. Kakuzu didn't sew it on very well last time.

"I told you I would aim for your head!" Deidara yelled out the window.

"And for all of you who don't know there's nothing to worry about, Hidan is immortal. He can get his head chopped off and live." Kakuzu said reassuringly at the High School students.

"DAMN YOU DEIDARA YOU BASTARD!" Hidan's head yelled as it hit the ground.

"You give those chocolates and I might consider sewing your head back on." Kakuzu said.

"FINE! YOU CAN HAVE THEM! JUST SEW MY HEAD BACK ON! AND DON'T THROW MY BODY OUT THE WINDOW!"

"Okay, I will sew your head on." Kakuzu stated.

* * *

Kakuzu sewed Hidan's head back on as they walked back to Shigure's house.

"Now now, we don't have enough room for this one." Shigure said pointing out Kakuzu.

"It is fine. Hidan and I will camp outside." Kakuzu said.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO BE DRAGGED OUT WITH YOU KAKUZU? I GOTS ME A ROOM AND A BED HERE! JASHINISTS NEED COMFORTABLE ROOMS TO REST IN AFTER RITUALS! SO THERE!" Hidan screamed.

"You are coming with me or I will get Deidara to blow your head off again."

"Fine!" Hidan grumbled.

"So is Valentine's Day always like this?" Deidara asked.

"Well, it's usually a little bit less loud and definitely has less swearing." Kyo responded.

"Oh." Deidara said. "Who's there? Outside the paper window with the holes in it?" They all looked and there was someone standing there. But they could only see the shadow so they could not identify the mystery person.

* * *

**Tada! I wrote yet another chapter! I wonder who's going to be the next Akatsuki to come?**


	5. Chapter of Pein

**OOOH! Disclaimer! Still don't own Naruto and Fruits Basket! Don't own the characters or any of that! I just write FanFictions about them! TeeHee! :D**

**Now, Go Hang A Salami, I'm A Lasagna Hog! **

**(: BT: It's a palindrome! Try spelling it backwards! It still says Go Hang A Salami, I'm A Lasagna Hog! :)**

* * *

**Recap: Now Deidara, Hidan, and Kakuzu are stuck in the Fruit's Basket world together!**

"Who is that?" Deidara asked. "Outside the paper window with the holes in it?" They all looked. But they could only the person's shadow. They all went to look and Deidara was surprised to see his leader Pein!

"Pein-Sama? What are you doing here?" Deidara exclaimed.

"I have lost my other 5 paths and am currently in the process of searching for them."

"I believe I saw some of them around town." Kakuzu said, appearing out of nowhere.

"Woah! When did you get there?" Deidara cried, confused.

"What do you mean I've been here the whole time?" Kakuzu inquired.

"Lies! You were not here the whole time! Stop with your lies fool!" Deidara replied.

"What's going on here?" Hidan said getting up off the ground. I believe he wanted to perform one of his Jashinist rituals. I know also that they don't have to be on the ground but I wanted Hidan to be on the ground, maybe he was looking for something to kill? "Pein? What the **** are you doing here?" He asked, finally seeing Pein.

"Like I told Deidara and Kakuzu, I have lost my other 5 paths and am currently in the process of searching for them around town."

"Uh-huh." He said nodding his head, clearly not listening.

"Have you seen them around Hidan?" Kakuzu asked.

"Huh, what? Oh, Pein's 5 paths? No I don't think so."

"Ok, I will go and look for them around this town tomorrow then." Pein said.

"I'm going with you! I am NOT going to live through this 'high school' thing again! I had to wear a girls' uniform Pein-Sama! I've been scarred for life!" Deidara cried.

"I'm fine, Deidara you can go to this 'high school' thing you speak of. I can find my other paths with Kakuzu tomorrow. He said he saw them wandering around."

"Okay." Deidara mumbled tears welling up in his eyes.

"And Hidan? Go to work!" Kakuzu said.

"Nah! I think I'll go to school with Deidara again."

So now we have Deidara, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Pein stuck in the Fruits Basket world. It's the weekend and Yuki and Tohru went to work on Yuki's garden. Pein and Kakuzu had left this morning to look for the other 5 paths of Pein. Later on Deidara wandered outside when he ran into some scattered clothing and a snake on the road...

"OMJ! It's Orochimaru!" He shrieked as the snake slithered closer. He ran back to the house. "Hidan! Kill the snake! Kill the snake! It's scary!" He whined.

"WHERE IS IT? I WANNA KILL SOMETHING! I HAVEN'T KILLED SOMETHING IN WEEKS!" Hidan screamed. "Wait, is that Orochimaru? And is he slithering all over Tohru? I thought he was gay."

"Didn't we all?" Deidara asked.

"Yes, he had at least 3 teenage boys with him at one time. But then Kabuto turned 20 and he only had 2 teenage boys with him." Hidan said. **(: BT: And the 3 teenage boys would be Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Kabuto. This is back when Kabuto was a teenager not when he's like 20. :) **Just then Yuki ran up when Tohru shrieked. The snake then slithered out of her shirt to show his head and Yuki glared at it as if he was ready to kill it there. So seeing as Hidan couldn't kill the snake him and Deidara walked back to the house…

"Hidan, I'm hungry." Deidara complained.

"And what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" He replied.

"I don't know; I just felt like complaining." Deidara said quietly. They got home only to find Yuki and Tohru were right behind them. Yuki, holding the snake, said to Shigure,

"Let's skin this and kill it…!"

"I'LL KILL IT!" Hidan shouted. Shigure looked at the snake.

"Ayame?" He asked.

"Does this mean Orochimaru was never here?" Deidara whispered to Hidan.

"I think so." Hidan whispered back.

"Quickly let's skin him!" Yuki said in Shigure's face.

"Hold on… Calm down! Calm down Yuki!" Shigure hesitated. Shigure then put the snake in a dark room where it could sleep in the warmness for awhile.

**Meanwhile! With Pein and Kakuzu! **

"Where did you say my other paths were?" Pein inquired.

"Last time I saw Animal Path was around here." Kakuzu answered.

"Ok." Pein replied.

"There! Over there! I see Human Path!" Kakuzu screamed pointing.

"That doesn't look like Human Path… Since that person is wearing a women's kimono!" Pein cried. He was right, this was not Human Path, the person Kakuzu pointed at was Ritsu Sohma!

**Okee Dokee! Let's go back and see how Ayame's doing!**

During the whole Ritsu thing over with Kakuzu and Pein, Ayame had awoken from his slumber and walked out of his little dark room.

"Hi everyone! And my brother! How are you? And is that a fellow androgynous?" He asked looking at Deidara.

"Hey! Who are you calling androgynous?" He yelled back. Ayame ignored him as he heard Kyo's voice.

"Ah! Baby Kyo, you are really here!" He said turning his head towards Kyo.

"Don't call me that!" Kyo screamed. Ayame then saw Shigure,

"Let's not talk about Baby Kyo!"

"Stop calling me that!" Kyo shrieked.

"I haven't seen you since New Years!" Ayame said to Shigure.

"Since New Years, long time no see!" Shigure replied.

"This guy still reminds me of Orochimaru Hidan." Deidara murmured.

"Hmm? How so?" Hidan said back.

"Well, he's a snake!" Deidara replied.

"Uh-huh. That all?" Hidan said. He seems surprisingly calm. Who are you and what have you done with the real Hidan?

"I guess…" Deidara trailed off. Ayame rushed over to Tohru and Deidara and bowed in front of them.

"I am very sorry about just now. I am Yuki's older brother, Ayame. Ah… How are you, first time meeting you…"

"Fine…" Deidara grumbled but Aya paid no attention.

"I see, I see. You are really like… a princess." Ayame continued to Tohru. "A beautiful flower in a house full of dirty men! Like a trapped princess! And maybe you too over there? Are like a trapped princess?" He said to Deidara.

"I'M NOT A GIRL! THEREFORE I CAN'T BE A PRINCESS!" Deidara screamed giving Ayame a death glare. Yuki looked at his brother with a look that said I'm going to rip off your head, shove it up your ass, then shit down your throat.

"Brother… Please don't treat them like idiots…"

"Where are my manners? I really do respect them!" Ayame laughed as he sat down at the table. "Now princesses can I have a cup of tea? And hurry up and make some lunch!" "You heard him Deidara! Now respect your elders and get me some food!" Hidan said. "In hell I will, Hidan." Deidara grumbled.

"I SAID SHOW THEM SOME RESPECT!" Yuki screamed at his brother.

"Ayame do you think they're servants?" Kyo cried.

"Really? Then make some lunch slowly!" Ayame replied.

"Yes, Deidara! Make me some food! But you can make it slowly. I can wait." Hidan said.

"Hidan I'm not making you food." Deidara calmly said.

"You guys are too annoying. I understand! …Tohru." Ayame said. She inclined her head towards him and he grabbed her hand, "Let's go out and eat! Don't worry, my treat! Do you want to come to?" He asked Deidara.

"No, I'm fine." He replied.

"I'll go with you!" Hidan said.

"No you will not!" Deidara said grabbing a hold of Hidan's clothes.

"I HATE YOU!" He projected in Deidara's face.

**While Ayame and Tohru go out for food we can check in on Pein and Kakuzu in their search for the other 5 paths of Pein!**

"Why am I searching for my other paths? I can just use my Rinnegan to find out where they are! God, why didn't I think of this before! Kakuzu! You're stupidity is rubbing off on me! God damn it! I see it! I know where the other paths are! They're eating without me!" Pein screamed.

"Lets go get them!" Kakuzu shouted. They went to the same place that Ayame had taken Tohru and found the other paths of Pein.

"How dare you eat without me!" Pein screamed at his other paths. It's the Preta Path of Pein that's yelling at the other paths because they didn't take him to get a potsticker plate.

"Now then, let's all go home." Kakuzu said.

"But I want a potsticker plate!" Pein complained.

"Fine, we can have potsticker plates _then_ go home." Kakuzu said, he couldn't speak out against his leader. After they were all full of potstickers they all went home, the Preta Path taking extra caution to not lose any paths again.

**And back at Shigure's house…**

"Hidan I'm hungry, I should've gone with that one guy, he was going to treat me to free food." Deidara complained.

"**** you Deidara! I'm hungry too; you should've let me go with Ayame." Hidan complained louder. Tohru walked though the door with Ayame nowhere in sight… Yuki then rushed over to the door.

"Miss. Honda! Are you all right? My brother didn't do anything to you did he?" Yuki asked.

"No, he bought me a potsticker plate!" Tohru said, "Listen Yuki, do you hate your brother?"

"What?" He asked confused at the sudden topic change.

"Well, it's none of my business. I was just curious." Tohru answered.

"It's not that I hate him or anything. He's just a little over the top sometimes. And we have some communication issues." Yuki said.

"Well, if that's the problem we can overcome them!" A voice from inside Tohru's shirt said. "Brother, we can overcome our problems!" Ayame said emerging from Tohru's shirt. Yuki glared at his brother and said to him,

"You are not my brother!"

"You can't ignore genetics!" Ayame said happily. The door opened behind them to show the 6 Peins and Kakuzu. Kakuzu had apparently just robbed the bank again for he was holding a bag of money over his shoulder.

"We're home!" Preta Path cried.

"Gots any food with you?" Hidan asked.

"No, we just got some food." Kakuzu said.

"Aww! You two suck dick!" Hidan pouted. Just then out of the floor popped Zetsu!

"Hello everyone!" Zetsu said cheerily.

* * *

**The end of the story for now! I'm planning on adding a little extra fun crap at the end of each chapter now! But should I put this part I wrote for Super Skankalitious Awesome Random Fun Fun Time into my story as well? Anyways here's the first one! Enjoy!**

**Super Skankalitious Awesome Random Fun Fun Time!**

"WHAT THE FUDGE IS THIS?" Hidan cried! "I CAN'T SWEAR! OH MA -!"

"Where's the usual Jashin at the end?" Deidara asked.

"I HAVE NO IDEA! THE DANG AUTHOR MADE IT SO I CAN'T SWEAR AND SAY J-A-S-H-I-N!"

"Am I supposed to feel sorry?" Deidara asked.

"MAYBE!" Hidan said tears beginning to fill his eyes. **(: BT: I thought it would be awesome if Hidan cried when he couldn't swear and say Jashin! :)**

Hidan pouted for a few hours then found that I quit picking on him and started picking on Kakuzu with my paper shredder. But that's for the next Super Skankalitious Awesome Random Fun Fun Time! If there is one anyways! Bye Bye!


	6. Meet Miss Author

**Hey hey! It's Burnt Taco! I'm here to say, this is yet another disclaimer, I know they're stupid but I don't wanna get sued and all that. So yeah. Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya! Yay! And Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi! Hope you enjoy the next chapter! TeeHee!**

**~BT**

* * *

**Recap: It's Deidara, Hidan, Pein, Kakuzu, and Zetsu in this chapter. Zetsu doesn't do much so I might add more than one character… Who could it be?**

"I can't fudging swear! The dang author made it so that I can't swear!" Hidan angrily screamed. Just then a figure appeared in the distance. As the person walked closer they could see they had black hair down a little bit past their shoulders and dark brown eyes. This person walked up to them and started talking to Hidan,

"I'm sorry but Miss. Author does not feel like pressing the asterisk button so Hidan you can not swear this chapter. Also this is for you. It's a present from Tobi." She handed a jar to Hidan that said 'swear jar' on it in big pink bubbly letters.

"Hidan, Miss. Author is being lazy today. So she's not making you swear this chapter to see how the readers feel about it. If you swear you're gonna have to put some money into this jar." The girl said. Hidan gave the jar a glare full of malice.

"I think I've got some money in my pocket. F*** f*** f*** f*** f***!" He screamed at the jar. The girl thrust the jar at him and instructed him to put in some money, he put in $5.

"And who are you to bring this glorious jar?" Kakuzu asked excitedly.

"Why I'm Burnt Taco, silly goose! And I guess I can make an exception for Hidan, I'll let you swear but you _HAVE_ to put money into the jar. " Burnt Taco replied.

"Damn it I hate this thing!" Hidan cried trying to grab the jar out of Burnt Taco's hands. The girl pulled the jar away while gesturing for Hidan to put more money in. He reluctantly gave her a few quarters to put in the container.

That afternoon Tohru and Kyo came back from school. Tohru had a cold and Shigure was looking to see how bad it was.

"By the looks of it, you're sick." Shigure said.

"I could've told her that." Kyo muttered. The Akatsuki and Burnt Taco had their own conversation discussing the matter.

"WHAT? TOHRU'S SICK? WHO'S GONNA MAKE ME FOOD?" Hidan screamed. "DEIDARA WON'T EVEN GET ME A GLASS OF WATER! DAMN IT! I'M GONNA STARVE! AND STOP THAT! I WILL PUT MONEY IN THE F***ING JAR WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT!" Burnt Taco immediately backed away from fear that her head would be ripped off. Also, Burnt Taco sucks ass at cooking so she does not even try to take Tohru's place and make food. *deposits penny into jar* Shigure called Momiji and told him that Tohru was sick and couldn't come into work today.

"I heard that leeks are very good when you have a cold. Stewed leeks or leek soup is the best." Miss. Author suggested to Kyo. He ignored her when she said the word 'leek'. "If you want, we could go to the library and get some books about how to get over colds so you can check!"

**It's Field Trip Time!**

Kyo, Burnt Taco, and the Akatsuki went to the library. Hidan wanted something to kill and decided the librarian was a good target. Deidara wanted to blow something up and he found lots of squirrels on the way to and from the library to make explode. Kakuzu came to make sure that if Hidan swore he put money into the jar, and Pein and Zetsu just went along for the hell of it.

"DEIDARA! DO NOT EVEN TRY TO LIGHT THE FICTION SECTION ON FIRE!" Burnt Taco cried running after Deidara. Deidara backed away from the fiction section and slumped over to the reference books. "AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DESTROYING THE REFERENCE SECTION!" Deidara slumped outside where he found more squirrels to kill. **(: BT: I personally think squirrels are suicidal. Last time I was riding my bike around the University of Montana for fun and then a giant fat squirrel jumped in front of my bike! It gave me a heart attack! I had to swerve into a tree. Not fun. Then you always see the squirrels jump in front of your car. Why? Because they're suicidal! And that's why I'm making Deidara kill squirrels, they're asking for it! :)**

Kyo had gotten all of his books and they all said if you have a cold eat leeks. He did not like any of these books and made Burnt Taco get the leeks. She took Zetsu along but he didn't do or say much. Burnt Taco and Zetsu decided to go to the grocery store when they stumbled upon Yuki's garden… This can't end good…

"Zetsu! Look! Leeks! Right there!" Burnt Taco exclaimed pointing at Yuki's garden. Burnt Taco asked Zetsu to go and get her a basket to carry all the leeks in while she picked them. Zetsu came back so soon Miss. Author dropped the leeks she had just picked. She grabbed the basket from Zetsu and thanked him.

"Now then. Let's get to picking these leeks, they look ready. I don't want to take them all but I think I will. Just to make sure there are enough for Tohru." Burnt Taco explained to Zetsu. After they had picked them all they walked back to the house and told Kyo. Burnt Taco attempted to help Kyo with the making of the leek soup. Kyo told her to do everything that had to do with the touching of leeks.

After Kyo had given Tohru her soup she had fallen asleep… Hatori came while she was asleep with Kisa.

"Is Sissy okay?" Kisa asked from behind Hatori.

"I'm sorry I'm so late. Kisa was worried when she heard that Tohru was sick so I had to take her along." Hatori said. Just then Momiji came running through the door.

"Is Tohru okay?" Momiji asked. **(: BT: OMJ MOMIJI WHY WON'T YOU DIE? :)**

"Well let's go see shall we?" Shigure said. Everyone went up and saw that Tohru was fine after eating the leek soup and getting some rest. The group saw a figure on the horizon… A blue figure… One with a big sword…

* * *

**Alright that's it for now! I'm going to put more of Ayame and Miss. Author in the next chapter. Since Ayame is one of my favorite characters! And I don't know why but Momiji won't die! He's like Kenny from South Park! He can die and die again and again but will always come back! Damn it!**


	7. OMJ! I lost Samehada!

**Miss. Author is back for another chapter! Are you ready? I believe there are more characters to come too! And I don't own Fruits Basket or Naruto! ^-^ Enjoy!**

**OMJ! I have all these characters that it's hard to keep track of them! I mean sometimes I forget completely about Hidan or Kakuzu and then I put all this time and try to make Zetsu stand out while I forget them and they hide in the shadows! Aaah! I'm gonna try super dooper uber hard to make them all shine in this chapter!**

**Also, I can't believe I've been forgetting to put the –un at the end of Deidara's sentences! Stupid spaz! *hits self in head***

* * *

Ayame came to visit his brother today. Yuki, Tohru, Burnt Taco, Deidara, and Ayame sat at the table in the living room. Ayame had brought advertisements for his shop with a flowery design on them, but the most surprising thing about this visit was what Yuki said,

"I'd like to see this shop of yours."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Ayame said as the stack of ads he was holding fell from his hand.

"I think I'd like to take a look at this shop of yours, to see if it's really as great as you say."

Ayame seemed overjoyed, so overjoyed that he burst into the bathroom while Shigure was taking a bath to tell him.

"Shigure! You'll never guess what Yuki just said! He wants to come to my shop! He was practically begging me to let him come!" Ayame said. He slammed the door then rushed down the stairs to the phone and called up Hatori.

"Hari? Guess what! Yuki was just begging me to come to my shop-" Yuki snatched the phone before he could finish talking,

"Will you quit that?"

"I'm sorry. I was just so happy!" Ayame replied. "Alright, I think you can come on Sunday. You and Tohru are welcome to come. And would this princess be interested in coming too?" He asked Deidara. Deidara glared at him,

"If it makes you go away I'll go-un." Deidara got up and walked out to formulate his plan to kill Momiji once and for all.

"I want to come! I want to see what's in your shop Ayame! I'm curious!" Burnt Taco announced. **(: BT: I'm curious about everything! ^^ :)**

"Well, I guess you can come too. But we can't bring the others because there isn't enough room in the top of the shop. Kyo doesn't need to come either." Ayame replied. Just then, Kisame came bursting through the door.

"Whoa turbo! Kisame, what are you doing here?" Burnt Taco blurted out.

"I don't know but when I saw that I had lost Itachi I panicked and ran here!" Kisame replied hurriedly.

"Hee hee. I'd panic too." Burnt Taco said to herself. "Ayame! Can we bring Kisame too?"

"Yes! The more the merrier I always say!" Ayame replied.

"Awesome Possum!" Miss. Author exclaimed. In the background Deidara mumbled to himself,

"Just a minute ago you were saying how Kyo couldn't come because there wasn't enough room but now that the author asks it's the more the merrier-un…"

"WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT ME?" Miss. Author glared at Deidara.

"You're hearing things. I didn't say a word-un." Deidara defiantly replied.

* * *

Miss. Author was awakened by Tohru gently nudging her. Since there isn't enough room there had to be some room sharing, Miss. Author and Tohru for instance. Where as some of the Akatsuki had to camp out in the living room and out in the backyard.

"Wake up; we have to go to Ayame's shop." Tohru said.

"Ugh, what time is it?" Burnt Taco said groggily.

"It's about 8ish."

"WHAT? I usually sleep until 10ish! Are you depriving me of my 11 hours of sleep?"

"N-n-no, it's just that we have to go to Ayame's shop right now."

"*sigh* fine, I'll get up." Miss. Author slowly got up. "Are the others awake?"

"Yes." Tohru replied as Burnt Taco searched for clothing in her mess of clothes on the ground.

"I'm gonna get dressed. Do you mind?" Burnt Taco asked Tohru.

"Oh, I see. I'll be downstairs with the others." She replied.

"Coolio." Burnt Taco replied.

* * *

Burnt Taco joined the group shortly after.

"Pein! I lost Itachi!" Kisame was screaming.

"How the heck do you lose your partner? You need to tell me!" Hidan screamed back.

"Me too! I just can't shake Tobi…" Deidara added.

"Wow, you two are really nice." Burnt Taco mused.

"Well, Itachi and I were looking for the 4-tails when we were split up and then I couldn't find him!" Kisame replied breathing hard. Yuki got up and began to walk towards the door. Tohru instinctively followed.

"Wait for me! You can't leave me behind! I'm the author!" Miss. Author screamed running after them. Kisame and Deidara leisurely followed after.

* * *

After about an hour of walking around they finally found the shop. After the first few minutes Miss. Author had lead them in the wrong direction. Shortly after Deidara got sidetracked with a squirrel and got separated from the group- so the rest of the group had to search for him, taking up a good 15 minutes. In the last 10 minutes Kisame saw a weasel walk by and broke down crying… So, after a long hour of walking the group finally found Ayame's shop. There was a flowery sign above the door that reminded them all of Ayame's advertisements. They all walked inside and were astonished to see that it was merely a fabric shop. Behind one of the shelves full of fabric a woman with glasses and brown hair in a maid's outfit poked her head out.

"I'm sorry, but we're closed right now." She said to the strange group. Yuki stared ahead in shock, Kisame noticed that in the rush to get out of the house he had forgotten Samehada and began to panic again, Deidara and Miss. Author giggled, and Tohru fell silent. Ayame walked out in a wedding dress. Jashin forbid.

"Mine, we still need to lift this-" He then spotted Yuki and ran towards him giggling. This is what Burnt Taco and Deidara were giggling at.

* * *

Ayame took the group to the top of his shop. Then he changed out of his wedding dress and back into his usual red clothing.

"I'm sorry. That wedding dress was a special order; Mine and I were just putting the final alterations." Ayame explained.

"And you were using your own body for the measurements?" Yuki asked.

"Well of course the man who ordered it was about my size." Ayame replied. Miss. Author and Deidara enjoyed another huge giggle fit in the background. This time Kisame enjoyed it with them; he had gotten over the fact that he had left Samehada back at the house.

"You mean it was for a man?" Yuki said quietly to himself.

"Well it's very interesting what people do in their private lives. Everyone has a secret or two they have tucked away." Ayame answered.

"So what kind of store is this? I mean I heard it was a women's clothing shop but when I walked in it looked like any other fabric store." Burnt Taco inquired.

"It's not that mysterious, most customers come in to buy fabrics or other hand craft supplies but often a customer will come to me with a request for a specially made garment. As the owner of course I design and make all the outfits myself whatever my customers desire. If it can be imagined I can make it into a reality." Ayame enlightened. He then pulled out a couple of samples. One was pink while the other was white. "These are but a few samples of my finished creations!" Tohru looked forward in awe while Miss. Author nudged Deidara.

"Wish you had one of those don't you?" Miss. Author said to Deidara.

"What the hell is wrong with you-un?" Deidara screamed back.

"What? You could pull it off with enough effort. I know you can! I believe in you!" Burnt Taco replied. Kisame laughed at this.

"So this is what Hatsuharu was talking about that's incredible Ayame! It's really amazing!" Tohru said in amazement.

"Well of course! I'm an amazing person!" Ayame said.

"You should make my Halloween costume Ayame! I wanna be a tree! Or Tobi!" Burnt Taco exclaimed.

* * *

Mine had taken Tohru, Miss. Author, and Deidara away from Yuki and Ayame to put them in dresses no matter how hard they struggled. Deidara squirmed as he was forcibly dragged by Kisame into the dressing room.

"KISAME I WILL KILL YOU! STOP DRAGGING ME BY MY HAIR! IT HURTS! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I PULLED YOUR HAIR-UN?" Deidara cried.

Meanwhile Tohru and Miss. Author were being pushed in by Mine.

"What the hell do you think you're doing hoe-bag? You can't do this to me! I'm the author dod gammit!" Burnt Taco screamed. "I could make you suddenly die!" Mine ignored this comment and continued to push Burnt Taco and Tohru into the cramped changing room.

"I think Tohru should wear 'the thing' don't you think Ayame?" Mine discussed with Ayame after sucessfully shoving them in.

"Yes, I think 'the thing' would look good on Tohru." Ayame replied.

"What's 'the thing'?" Yuki asked. Ayame and Mine ignored Yuki and continued to discuss what the others should wear.

"YOU EVEN TRY THAT AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU BOTH! I DON'T CARE WHAT MY READERS SAY, I'LL KILL YOU!" Burnt Taco glared.

"Well you're no fun." Ayame pouted. He looked over at Deidara, "Okay Princess, what shall we do about you?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A PRINCESS SINCE I AM NOT AN F***ING GIRL DAMN IT-UN!"

"What? You're not a girl?" Ayame asked in surprise.

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR THE 3 CHAPTERS YOU WERE IN THE STORY-UN!"

"Really?" Ayame said, clearly shocked.

"Yeah, I made sure to point out the fact that Deidara was not a girl for very many chapters…" Miss. Author replied.

"NO WAY!" Ayame exclaimed.

"Yes way." Burnt Taco assured him.

"Well then he's no fun either!" Ayame moped. "Fine, we'll just play dress up with Tohru." After the whole incident with 'the thing' Ayame and Yuki tried having a heart-to-heart chat, but I can't write heart-to-heart chats since I'm not serious enough. I may be 14 on the outside but on the inside I'm still a 5-year old in spirit. A 5-year old that swears.

* * *

So, skipping that… Tohru came out in 'the thing' and it turns out 'the thing' wasn't terrible after all! 'The thing' was a yellow dress. Tohru also had yellow bows in her hair to match 'the thing'.

* * *

Now it was time for everyone to finally go home. They found their way back faster than when they came. They only took like 30 minutes. Kisame had calmed down considerably and as my math teacher would say life was good…

Until a mysterious figure blocked their path home.

**OK, so I didn't get to mention Pein, Zetsu, Kakuzu, or Hidan that much so that's the next chapter! It's gonna be their day without everyone else! Hidan's actually gonna swear, but only minor swearing like shit and damn it. Nothing big like bastard, that would involve putting more money in the swear jar. So with the new character not being announced in the next chapter they will be introduced in the chapter after it! So I guess it's going to be 2 chapters per day since there are so many characters…**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Burnt Taco ^-^**


	8. In Which They Buy GIANT HOOP EARRINGS!

**Super Disclaimer! Don't own any characters besides Burnt Taco, since that's me!**

**I told you I would make this chapter with only Kakuzu, Hidan, Pein, and Zetsu and here it is! I hope you like it; I'm not as good at writing them. I'm much better at writing about Deidara for some reason. And I'm awesome shmawsome at writing about Tobi since we pretty much think the same. You know, we both have the minds of 5-year olds! xD**

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"Wait for me! You can't leave me behind! I'm the author!" Miss. Author screamed running after Yuki and Tohru. Kisame and Deidara leisurely followed after her.

"So… What now?" White Zetsu asked. No one was paying attention to him so he went to sulk in the kitchen.

"Hey look. Kisame left Samehada behind." Hidan pointed out.

"It appears so." Kakuzu agreed. Kakuzu had found a newspaper and began to flip through it. At that moment Zetsu came out with a big plate of waffles.

"GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES?"

"Ewwey! Zetsu I'm not gonna eat your filthy-!" Kakuzu began.

"WAH! WAH! WAH!" Zetsu wailed.

"ENOUGH! I will try your 'waffles'." Kakuzu screamed. "Zetsu! Where's Pein? Bring him to me!" Zetsu did as he was told and brought Pein into the light.

"Oh my Jashin! Zetsu I love you! You made me food!" Hidan cried.

"Hidan, that's creepy." Pein said. **(: BT: To go with my theme Pein **_**should **_**be joyful but I don't feel like making him sound like a creep-o. :)** Hidan, Kakuzu, and Pein enjoyed the waffles so Zetsu decided to make more.

"These have peanuts and soap in 'em!" Zetsu gladly declared. Kakuzu was disgusted by the soap and peanuts but Hidan and Pein happily continued to eat the waffles; soon they began to burp random bubbles.

**(: BT: This is my take on an Invader ZIM parody. And everyone knows this episode! It's got to be one of the most popular episodes: ZIM eats waffles! Kakuzu and Hidan are like ZIM and Zetsu is GIR! You and I can be Dib! And Pein can be Nick, the kid with the happiness probe, even though he's not really very happy! It's hard to imagine but at least try! :)**

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**MOVING ON!**

After eating many waffles the group decided to wander aimlessly around town. That's the best kind of wandering if you ask me, because then you find different little shops you never knew existed! It's a joy!

"Oooooooooooh; look at this one over here!" Hidan wailed pointing at a shop full of pointy kitchen knives. "Can we go in? Can we? Can we?" He tugged on Pein's sleeve, dragging him closer and closer to the shop full of knives.

"No Hidan! I want to go to this shop!" Pein said through gritted teeth; he glanced at a jewelry store.

"NO! THAT'S IGNORANT!" Hidan screeched. "YOU'RE IGNORANT PEIN! WAH WAH WAH! DAMN IT!"

"Hidan, calm down; we can go to that store _after _and only after we go to this store." Kakuzu reassured him, "Right?" Kakuzu glared at Pein, the last thing they wanted was for Hidan to be wailing the whole time.

"Fine" Pein grumbled-he realized that Kakuzu was right; none of them wanted Hidan to be bitching the whole time.

"Come Hidan, we shall peruse this shop before going into the sharp knife shop you must so desperately go to." Kakuzu ordered; Hidan followed. Pein became absorbed in the many different earrings and necklaces. Hidan found himself examining the many different amulets,

"Mine is waaaaaay cooler than all this shit." He remarked.

"Hidan, do we have to get out the swear jar again?" Zetsu interrupted.

"No Zetsu! No we do not you little bizach!" rebutted Hidan. Zetsu wandered off to look at some of the store's other wares.

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_

Pein had bought a pair of… **GIANT HOOP EARRINGS**! Hidan had disgraced all the necklaces saying, "My Jashin amulet is sooooooo much better!" Kakuzu had robbed a pregnant lady; and Zetsu scared a couple of children.

"I WANNA GO TO THE SHOP WITH THE POINTY KNIVES!" Hidan screamed.

"We will Hidan, we will." Kakuzu reassured once again, "Oh My Gawd is that a f****ing bank? Let's go there!"

"NO! I DON'T WANNA! KAKUZU YOU PROMISED THAT WE'D GO TO THE POINTY KNIFE STORE AFTER WE LOOKED AT PEIN'S JEWELRY!" Hidan shrieked. Kakuzu thought for a few seconds; he could rob the bank later and not have Hidan whine but that would mean having to wait, or he could rob the bank now and have Hidan whine forever… He decided that robbing the bank wasn't worth having Hidan complain without end.

"Alright Hidan, we will go to your pointy knife store now." Kakuzu said.

"YAY!" Hidan exclaimed.

_

* * *

_

"OOOOOOH! Look at these ones Kakuzu! They're like soooooo kewl!" Hidan said; he pointed at a set of sushi knives.

"Hmm, ok." Kakuzu said, he was eyeing a set of 12-year old girls getting ready to scare them until they gave him their money; that creep-o.

"CAN I HAVE IT? CAN I? CAN I?" Hidan pleaded.

"Do you think we're made of money?"

"WAH! YOU'RE ICKEY!" Hidan screamed, having a hissy-fit in the emo-corner.

"If you still _had _money maybe you could buy them! But no! You just _had _to swear your money away! Didn't you?" Kakuzu yelled.

"I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A MEANIE!"

"You said that you wanted to _go to the pointy knife store_ not _buy any pointy knives_." Kakuzu pointed out; Hidan found he had no rebuttal and pouted. Hidan didn't say a word until they got home, he only glowered at Kakuzu.

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**I guess now is a good time for them all to go home, don't you?**

Hidan, Kakuzu, Pein, and Zetsu went home after a long day shopping around the city. Pein carried his bag with the **GIANT HOOP EARRINGS! **Hidan slumped behind everyone else, still upset that he couldn't get any sushi knives that he'd use to cut up Kisame. Kakuzu was quite happy with himself for he had just successfully jacked a tour-bus; and he stole all the money the tourists had on them. Zetsu was quiet the whole time, like always; and just to clarify, they're all on the tour-bus that Kakuzu jacked. As they neared Shigure's house they all saw a hotel and thought to them selves, "That has to be comfier than sofa-city…" So they decided to stay the night at a hotel, and that can't be good at all… They all thought, "I can go home tomorrow, no one's going to notice if I stay at the Comfort Inn for just one night…"

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**So this is at the same time when all the others are going home! So then they'll all meet up next chapter! It'll be great, maybe even with a few references to white gangsters; which Xia19222 and I pretended to be with our Brazilian friend this afternoon, freaking out hippilicious. ^-^  
Oh yeah, and here's a fun story! While my aunt and uncle were in Mexico they accidentally jacked a tour-bus! So they went on the tour-bus thinking it was a normal bus and then so the driver asked them, "What hotel are you staying at?" and they told him what hotel and he said, "Hmmmm, your hotel isn't on our list. What are you names?" they told him their names, which I'm not telling you 'cause there's creep-o's on the internet... But going on, then the bus driver said, "Your names aren't on the list, are you sure that you're part of this tour?" then my uncle and aunt said, "Tour? What tour?" so the driver explained to them that they just went onto a tourbus and so, yeah, they like jacked a tour-bus. So to speak... And the driver agreed to take them back to their hotel too!  
****I hope you all enjoyed the story and chapter; I know I enjoyed writing this for you! :D  
****~Burnt Taco**


	9. I'm God's Angel, in the Butt

**This chapter might have a few spoilers if you haven't read Fruits Basket as far as the part with Kureno Sohma… If I spoiled things for you then I'm sorry; but I do this to my friends at school all the time *cough hippielicious!* My buddy Di-Haz and I enjoy spoiling things for hippielicious! ^-^**

* * *

As I was saying before, the group of Kisame, Deidara, Yuki, Tohru, and Burnt Taco we're walking home when a mysterious figure blocked their path right? Alright, I thought so. Well they were all walking when a person walked in the middle of the road; hippielicious, did you get lost and walk into on-going traffic again? Just kidding, unlike hippielicious this person had blue hair. Can you guess who it is? You guessed right, it was Itachi! Not really, it was Konan. Konan looked at them all, eyeing each one carefully; she noticed that three of them were out of place: Yuki, Tohru, and Burnt Taco didn't seem to belong standing next to Kisame and Deidara.

"Kisame, Deidara, where are the others?" She asked.

"Back at home I'm guessing, though I wouldn't be surprised if they had decided to go out. Hidan gets bored when he's cooped up for too long-un…" Deidara's voice trailed off. Konan's grey eyes swept over the group again, once more eyeing them all suspiciously as if they had committed a heinous crime.

"Who are they?"

"This is the author; she has no life-un." Deidara began but he was cut off by Miss. Author.

"I do so have a life! It's just that my life has been shoved in a closet and hasn't seen the light of day for two months now!"

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, this is Miss. Author, Yuki, and Tohru-un" he said pointing them all out individually. Konan's fingers, with the white nail polish, brushed over the paper flower in her hair; Miss. Author watched and saw that her Akatsuki ring was on her right middle finger. **(: BT: I had to look that up on narutopedia to figure out that her nail polish was white and that her ring was on her right middle finger; just think, she could be all like "wanna see my ring?" *flips off person* cool huh? :)**

"Holy buckets; I forgot about my math homework! I should actually get back to my house! TeeHee!" Burnt Taco exclaimed rushing back to her own house. So we've lost me but don't worry, I shall continue to write my FanFictions for you!

"That was… weird… Konan" Kisame said turning on Konan, "have you by any chance seen Itachi lately?"

"Itachi? No, no I haven't. I'm sorry" Konan said.

* * *

Walking back to Shigure's was a load more simple than walking to Ayame's for Kisame had calmed down, and they already knew the way home. Konan went all "god's angel" on them to get a birds eye view and helped them to not get lost.

"Shigure we're home!" Tohru cried. Shigure poked his head out,

"Oh good, I was getting hungry! Would you make me something to eat Tohru?"

"Shigure, is that all Tohru is to you? A personal slave?" Yuki said.

"No, she's more to me than just a personal slave" Shigure pouted, "and who's this one? Brought back another person have you? And where is Burnt Taco?"

"Burnt Taco went home to finish 'math homework'" Konan said with disgust, "and I am Konan. Where is Pein?"

"Pein? Which one is that?" Shigure wondered. There were so many he couldn't keep track of who was who.

"The one with the orange hair and piercings-un," Deidara said bluntly; Konan glared at him with her grey eyes full of malice. "What? That's what he looks like-un," Deidara said in reply to Konan's frown.

"Oh, that one" Shigure cried, "He and the others went out shortly after these guys did." Konan hung her head in disappointment; Tohru attempted to console her but had her hand swatted away by Konan.

"Where is Konan going to stay, Shigure?" Tohru asked.

"Well, since Miss. Author has gone home she can stay with you Tohru." Shigure replied matter-of-factly. Konan looked at Tohru in revulsion, as if she was a pile of poop. **(: BT: Now I'm not saying that Tohru's a pile of poop, no matter what you say hippielicious! I kinda like her, she's a nice person; with a heart. Whereas you, hippielicious, have not used your heart in so long that it's a shriveled up black rock in the depths of your very being. JK we already discussed this together! :)**

Tohru nodded in understanding and rushed up to get a space ready in her room for Konan.

* * *

The next day they did not see hide nor hair of Kakuzu, Hidan, Pein, or Zetsu; Konan sat at the table and began to worry. There was a knock knock at the door; Konan sat bolt upright. She believed it was Pein and the others, but when Tohru went to the door a head with brown hair appeared in the doorway and Kureno Sohma walked in; his brown eyes went from Konan to Shigure. He stopped dead in his tracks and took a second glance at Konan, his eyes showed slight delight. But he knew he had other obligations, he was Akito's and he would not let this blue haired beauty get to him. Konan was indifferent; she frowned in disappointment that Pein was not home yet.

"Akito wants me to get her; I mean him something Shigure." Kureno stated.

"Hmm, what could it be?" Shigure replied in question.

"Umm, well, could I tell it to you that in private?" Kureno continued

"Yeah, sure" Shigure shrugged. Kureno took a fleeting look at Konan again, hoping to meet her eyes as him and Shigure exited the room. As their eyes met Konan blushed and turned away immediately. In the background Kisame had finally found his Samehada and was celebrating joyously while Deidara paced wondering how he would get more of his detonation clay. Yuki stood and looked as this spectacle happened before his eyes; he had enough excitement today, Ayame alone was enough stimulation for one day. Tohru rushed down the stairs in her normal excited way and suggested that they all play Rich Man Poor Man.

"And we can play with Kyo also!" Tohru continued.

"Alright, I'll participate in your card ritual-un." Deidara declared.

"Me too" Kisame exclaimed, Konan nodded in agreement; thinking to herself 'It won't hurt me to try.' Tohru scrambled to find the cards, which she found behind a potted plant. "Deidara, would you go and get Kyo?" Yuki asked

"Yeah sure-un," Deidara grumbled as he walked away to search for Kyo. He got to his room and knocked on the door, "Hey Kyo, we're playing Rich Man Poor Man and Tohru wants you to play with us." Kyo opened his door and sauntered out to the table where everyone sat playing Rich Man Poor Man. Tohru dealt them their hands and they began to play, Kisame failing miserably.

"I don't like this game, it's too hard!" Kisame whined.

"This is not too hard," Deidara said. Behind them Kureno and Shigure walked out of a room, looking pleased with their chat. Kureno thanked Shigure and left the home. No one at the table playing Rich Man Poor Man seemed to notice his departure. Konan had won one of the hands and looked delighted; but after several games Deidara and Kisame got bored and decided to quit playing. Konan soon became uninterested as well; leaving Yuki, Tohru, and Kyo to play alone, but with Kyo not doing so well he got up and left the game too. Leaving Yuki and Tohru, they did not want to play with only two people and choose to put the cards away; but as they were putting the cards away they heard a recognizable knock knock on the door. When Tohru opened it, there stood Kakuzu, Hidan, Pein, and Zetsu; shopping bags full of trinkets and knickknacks. **(: BT: Backpack! Backpack! Backpack! Backpack! I'm the backpack loaded up with things and knickknacks too! Anything that you might need I've got inside for you! Backpack! Backpack! Backpack! Backpack! :)**

"So how's the swear jar going?" Deidara asked casually.

"It's going fine! Now stop bringing it up!" Hidan cried. Kakuzu brought the oh so familiar swear jar with the bubbly pink letters. "I hate you Tobi," Hidan grumbled under his breath.

"I hear you Hidan, I hate Tobi just as much as the next guy if not more." Deidara concurred.

"Did I hear you say the name _Tobi?_" a voice cried from afar.

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**Sorry for lack of updates! I started Speech and Debate and right now I'm writing up my Interpretation speech on Nightlight by The Harvard Lampoon. Also, I've had a boatload of homework, whether it be Spanish or Math; but at least Xia19222 and I have out cheat sheet, our Brazilian friend whom I shall not say the name of for fear of online predators. :P So, I'm sorry for the lack of update in my story; but in the near future I hope to post some more chapters. I hope you enjoyed this installment of Deidara in Fruits Basket! ****I know, it's a pretty crappy name for a story but I don't come up with titles, I come up with general ideas; which I do all the time…**

**~Burnt Taco~**


	10. Why The HELL Go Trick Or Treating Now?

Alright, so I wrote this before Halloween, then I got caught up finishing up my interp (which I changed to Frosty the Snowman just recently). I know it's been like a month since Halloween but still, I wasn't in the mood to fix it. Deal with it. TeeHee! ^^

* * *

"Did I hear you say the name _Tobi_?" a voice said from afar. Everyone turned their head to see a familiar black haired person.

"ITACHI?" Kisame exclaimed, "How did you get here? How did you find me?"

"I wandered; I lost you so I tried to find you. I soon found myself here in this strange place."

"You looked for me?" Kisame ecstatically cried.

"Nah, it's just you had the 4-tails so I wanted to take it in; but when I saw that no one was there to take the 4-tails and seal it I decided I'd try and find you all. Thus leading me to this region." Itachi explained.

"Why were you talking about Tobi?" Deidara asked; a panic-stricken look plastered to his face.

"I thought Tobi was here, so I kinda got excited." Itachi's expression was calm and cool. Deidara nodded, feeling a sense of relief.

"It's Halloween; we should all go trick-or-treating tonight!" Tohru interjected in her normal animated fashion.

"They're too old to go out, only children go out trick-or-treating on Halloween," Kyo complained.

"What is this _trick-or-treating_?" Kakuzu asked, "Does it involve free money?"

"Not money, free candy!" Tohru cried. "I think we should take along Momiji and Haru-chan!"

"Did you say _Momiji_?" Deidara cried turning his head in reaction. Everyone pointed to Tohru.

"Of course, Momiji would _LOVE_ to go with us! You don't even _need _Halloween costumes; you can just go as yourself! You already look weird enough in a crowd," she replied. The Akatsuki looked at her with a look of utter revolution as she had just mocked their uniform. "I didn't mean it like that!" Tohru hastily attempted an apology.

* * *

So that night Tohru, Kyo: dragged against his will by Deidara, Yuki: going for the hell of it, Momiji, Hatsuharu: why he went is your guess as well as mine, and the Akatsuki went trick-or-treating. Tohru sported 'the thing', Kyo was a cowboy: just like my Brazilian friend! Let's call him Andrea, Andrea was a cowboy like Kyo. Momiji was Little Red Riding Hood, like miko-pandax3! Hatsuharu was a scarecrow like Xia19222, Yuki tried to be a vampire, and the Akatsuki were the Akatsuki. :D **(: BT: Ok, so no one was like me: a homeless person, or like hippielicious who was a ninja who looked more like a terrorist bomber… We were a weird looking group that night… Also, I came up with all their costumes in a few minutes so I didn't give it much thought. I just thought it would be funny if they had the same costumes as my buddies. :)**

"Why are we doing this again?" Hidan asked.

"Because these people are giving away _free_ candies." Kakuzu replied.

"We're not going to get _ANY _since we're in High School or older." Kyo complained.

"You could've stayed home, orange one." Kakuzu said.

"No, no I couldn't have! Deidara forcibly dragged me against my will!" Kyo cried. "And who are you calling 'orange one'?"

"I am calling you orange one, orange one." Kakuzu replied rather bluntly.

"Can we just go up and get the free stuff already?" Pein said from the darkness of his sheltered corner.

"I agree, we should hurry up so I can go home," Konan added as they approached the first house on their rounds. The owner of the house was a happy elderly couple, they looked at the group and their faces fell. They were hoping that cute little children had come to get candy from them, but NO! who shows up at their door? This weird group!

"TRICK-OR-TREAT!" Tohru, Kisame, and Momiji cried together.

"GIVE ME THE DAMN CANDY!" Hidan shouted. Kakuzu passed down the swear jar, Hidan searched in his pocket but could not find any cash. He passed the jar back saying it was full to the brim and could not hold any more money. Kakuzu pressed all the money down to make room for more currency. Hidan pouted and shoved in the candy he had just gotten from the house into the swear jar; glaring at it once again.

"Free stuff, give it here." Kakuzu said pointing to his empty bag.

"Trick-or-treat? Is that how you say it?" Deidara asked Kyo.

"Yeah, just say it like that." Kyo replied.

"Trick-or-treat." Deidara, Yuki, Hatsuharu, and Kyo said in unison.

"Oh yes, trick-or-treat or however you are to say it." Itachi said after everyone had gotten their candy and walked off. Itachi didn't rush to catch up, he leisurely continued walking; he eased on down the road! The mob continued down the pathway, until they came to another house with the lights on. Kisame eagerly rang the doorbell and waited with baited breath. When no one answered and the lights were flipped off, Hidan took matters into his own hands…

"OPEN THE DOOR MA-F***ERS, I WANT THE DAMN CANDY!"

"BAD HIDAN!" Kakuzu shouted squirting him with a squirt bottle full of a mysterious brown liquid.

"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT THING AND WHAT THE HELL IS IN THAT SQUIRT BOTTLE?" Hidan cried in utter terror.

"I don't know, you tell me." Kakuzu replied squirting Hidan repeatedly. I guess Hidan's back to his old ways again. =D After a few minutes of waiting when nobody answered the door they decided to leave, Hidan leading the way running away from Kakuzu and his precarious spray bottle chock-full of brown liquid.

* * *

Ten houses later Konan was getting tired of walking around with everyone; she detested having to go around with Kisame when he was so elated.

"Pein, I would like to go home now," Konan stated honestly.

"Why oh why would you ever want to leave now? We've still got a whole town full of houses left to hit!" Momiji cried; Deidara and Konan frowned at his reply.

"I'll take them, and whoever else wants to go, home," Yuki replied, "who wants to go home already?" Konan, Pein, Itachi, Kyo, and Hatsuharu followed Yuki home. That means Deidara, Tohru, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Momiji remained in their search for candy on this lonely night.

**To be continued…**

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**Ok, I couldn't resist putting 'to be continued…' it just looks so damn cool! But getting to the point, I feel bad that it took this long to write up the chapter, please forgive me! I'm trying my hardest to update as soon as possible but I get caught up in Speech and homework and all the other ickey things! T-T Alright, next chapter coming your way eventually!**

**~BT**


	11. Pinnochiante, A Parody of Pinocchio

Sasori wandered the lonely streets in the dead of night; nothing of interest catching his eye. The moon crept over the clouds in the nighttime sky; it was quiet, especially for Halloween. He continued on going in no particular direction when he heard a familiar voice say,

"Let go of that-un! It's my bag of candy-un!"

_I recognize that voice, but from where? _He pondered as he walked. Soon he bumped into the owner of this voice.

"SASORI-NO-DANA-UN," Deidara cried, flailing his arms. Hidan shrugged, _why's he here?_ "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN SO LONELY-UN!" Deidara wailed.

"Where have I been? Where have YOU been? YOU kept me waiting." Sasori stated evenly.

"Didn't he die?" Hidan asked, rather loudly.

"I don't die." Sasori replied calmly.

"I swear, you died," Hidan cried, pointing a finger at Sasori.

"Hey, where's Zetsu?" Kisame said joyfully, flouting into the conversation; Zetsu popped out of the ground.

"You called?" White Zetsu responded.

"I believe he did." Black Zetsu said.

"So… where to next?" Momiji asked.

"Don't speak-un." Deidara snapped. As the houses drew closer Kisame found the need to ring the doorbell once again.

"I WANNA RING THE DOORBELL!" he shouted. He rang the doorbell and just as before they waited; a few minutes later the door opened and a young lady, probably in her late 20's, opened the door. Her eyes scanned over the group and she reached for her candy,

"Aren't you a little old for this stuff?"

"NO BITCH!" Hidan screamed.

"BAD!" Kakuzu yelled squirting him.

"You're never too old to go trick-or-treating!" Momiji cried. The woman glanced over and a glow of happiness came upon her face; she was one of those people who thought Momiji was a cute little middle schooler.

"Okay, here's your candy," she said with a smile to Momiji; she handed him his candy, then when she got to everyone else her smile disappeared and a look of annoyance took its place. "Shouldn't you be studying and getting ready for the work day?"

"I got fired." Hidan and Kakuzu said, exchanging glances.

"No one's hired me to bomb anything-un." Deidara stated.

"I don't have a job!" Kisame shouted.

"I do not require work." Sasori said.

"It's Sunday!" Tohru and Momiji cried in harmony.

"Have we ever had a job?" White Zetsu asked.

"We're the Akatsuki spy." Black Zetsu replied. At this the woman slammed her door shut. The night dragged on, many more houses were hit, and many more people pondered why these people were trick-or-treating.

* * *

"Tohru, I'm tired! I wanna go home!" Momiji whined. Tohru sighed,

"Okay, I guess we can go home now. Is that okay with you?"

"NO I REQUIRE MORE FREE THINGS!" Kakuzu and Hidan both shouted. Deidara looked over and agreed to drag KakuHida home with the help of the others. Hidan was pulled by Deidara and Kisame while Kakuzu was dragged by Zetsu and Sasori, who refused to do so at first. Hidan wailing like a banshee and kicking like a professional soccer player the whole way home. After a grueling hour of walking with Hidan bitching, Kakuzu wasn't so bad, they were finally home.

"Shigure, we're back!" Tohru called.

"Back so soon?"

"Momiji got tired-un." Deidara scoffed.

"The others came back just a while back," Shigure said, "The one called Konan is my favorite," he added with a laugh. Pein came out of the shadows and glared at him,

"Hello Pein, it's been a while." Sasori said.

"Whoa, when did you get there?" Hidan cried, turning around in a circle defensively.

"I've been here the whole time…" Pein retorted. "Now, I'm going out into the tent."

"I'll come with!" Kisame said. Hatsuharu and Momiji went home soon after because Momiji almost passed out on the couch. Oh, shit! Hidan's gonna get all hyped up on sugar and we're all gonna die tomorrow from his sugar hangover!

***The next day***

Just as I predicted, Hidan got hyped up on sugar last night; so now it seems he has more of a sugar hangover…

"Heeeeeeeey! How's goin', Kisame, my buddy!" Hidan cried in excitement; I think it's just the sugar talking though.

"DON'T REJECT ME!" Kisame screamed in reply.

"Reject? What do ya mean?" Hidan said.

"DON'T HURT ME!" Kisame pleaded.

"Damn it I'm not gonna hurt you!" Hidan shouted running over to hug Kisame. "SQUEEZE!" he cried as he hugged Kisame.

"Hidan, even when you're on a sugar hangover you don't understand that swearing is bad!" Kakuzu screamed, squirting once more and handing him the swear jar. Hidan happily put in the money for once.

"YAY!" Hidan said. **(: BT: Did you know that I have sugar a hangover after every time I go to the movie theatres? Yeah, I eat lots of sour patch kids and drink a lot of soda! :)**

"Hey, Hidan!" Kakuzu said, a sly grin creeping upon his face, "wanna do me a favor?"

**At a random bank…**

"Ok, Hidan, I want you to run in there screaming and break open the safe, then you can kill everyone while I sneak up from behind and take all the money." Kakuzu stated. Hidan was still on his sugar hangover so anything goes with this guy right now.

"YAY! BANK ROBBERIES!" Hidan replied as he ran into the bank screaming. "Wait, I need blood!"

"Take this, I took it from Deidara this morning." Kakuzu said deviously holding a small bottle full of red liquid. Hidan took the blood and went on to do his ritual, though in a slightly drunken fashion. He ran into the bank and began to scream and attack people while Kakuzu slowly walked in. Hidan broke open the safe while wailing something along the lines of,

"JASHIN LOVES ME!" Kakuzu took this as his opportunity to begin the theft; he waited for Hidan to come and do more of the hard work, Hidan could go and scour for the money and he could just pack it into his bag of money. The bank became stained red with bloody awesomeness as Hidan continued to shriek,

"I LOVE JASHIN-SAMA AND HE LOVES ME!"

"Hidan, that's great but can you come here and do me another favor?" Kakuzu said with his sly grin.

"SUUUUUUURE!" An elated Hidan replied.

"Hidan, go in the big safe and get Kakuzu the money until Kakuzu says stop." Kakuzu ordered. Hidan did as he was told and began to run back and forth grabbing stacks of $100 for Kakuzu.

"A few more, partner. A few more. A few more. A few more. A few more. And stop! We've broken a million, that's enough for now!" Kakuzu said with a big smile, issuing for Hidan to stop. _I do so love this Halloween holiday; we need to celebrate more often, Hidan is quite entertaining when he is on a sugar hangover. _Kakuzu thought. With a bag full of money Kakuzu started for home with Hidan following closely.

* * *

**BT: Ok, so sorry for the long wait; speech and good stuff like that. I've been thinking about my HOI for next year, and I've been contemplating what I should do for my HOI next year. A clipping of Avenue Q (the money song), Howl's Moving Castle, or Frosty the Snowman… Anyways, I've already got the next chapter in the works; the Deidara in Fruits Basket Christmukkah Special! Yay!**


	12. In Which They Recieve Shawls

**OMJ! Christmas Edition of Deidara in Fruits Basket!**

**BT: Ok, so remember how before the group was trick-or-treating? Well, now it's the beginning of the 20 days of Christmukkah! YE-AH!**

* * *

**Christmukkah day the first**

The Akatsuki got up; unbeknownst to them though it was the beginning of Christmukkah. Tohru had gone out of her way to make the necessary preparations for the celebration. Miss. Author, being myself, couldn't miss a celebration of Christmukkah! Burnt Taco sauntered into the home holding a pile of presents, one of which was a gigantic box.

"SURPRISE, I've got presents for you all," she cried with great enthusiasm. "Okee dokee, one present a day right? So, I'll give you all your small presents today!" Miss. Author proceeded in handing every member of the Akatsuki a package of sparkly stickers, "Do you _love_ them? I got them at Wal-Mart!" The Akatsuki tossed aside they're glittery Wal-Mart stickers, so Miss. Author picked them up. _Hmmm, if you don't want them I can give them to someone else; like Momiji or Julie-O! _**(: BT: Julie-O is one of my compadres who likes sparkly stickers just like me! :)**

"Oh Tohru," Miss Author called out, "I've got your glittery stickers too; you too Yuki, and Kyo, and Shigure!" Burnt Taco reached into a bag grabbing for them their stickers.

"Wow, they're so pretty!" Tohru cried.

"Pfft, whatever," Kyo said.

"Ummm, thank you." Yuki replied.

"Tohru, I don't have any use for these, so do you want my stickers?" Shigure asked. "I know you'll have a better use for these than I shall." Tohru gladly took the stickers in her hand and thanked Shigure. Tohru and the others didn't know just how many days there were in Christmukkah so they didn't get enough presents.

* * *

_**Okay, twenty days? That's a bit too many! I'm just going to highlight the many days of Christmukkah, five at a time…**_

**Day the fifth**

"Morning," Miss. Author mumbled.

"Good morning!" Tohru exclaimed in her animated fashion. "I've gotten you a present!"

"Say again?" Burnt Taco cried out, finally awake. Tohru passed a package over which Miss. Author quickly opened, pulling out a pair of pants.

"Wow, pants… I never get pants!" she cried. "I got all of you presents too!" Miss. Author pulled out a big bag full of shawls that she threw at the Akatsuki. "Take your pick, they were on sale so I got all of you one and another for my mommy! Don't tell my mom I got her a shawl…" She whispered to them all, shushing all of them. "Keep it on the down low."

"Why would I want a shawl?" Hidan and Deidara cried.

"In case you ever get cold of course, you Silly-Geese!" Hidan and Deidara threw their shawls at Kakuzu who ran for the computer; _I can sell these on E-bay!_

"Tohru you can have mine." Everyone else said since the shawls were different colors so Tohru could have one for every day of the next few weeks!

* * *

**Day the tenth**

Miss. Author got a letter in the mail,

"It's from my mommy!" She read it off,

_To my child,_

_You need to clean your room! It smells funny in here; and I can't even see the floor!_

_Love,_

_Mommy_

"Jeez, I cleaned it last week; well I made it so you could see the floor at least. Also, it does not smell funny, it smells like home." Burnt Taco scoffed, crumpling up the letter and tossing it into the recycling bin; for if she did not recycle it she would feel the wrath of hippielicious.

So, the tenth day of Christmukkah is pretty much half-way through so all the presents are half-way decent. ^o^

"Want your presents for today?" Miss. Author said, slightly annoyed.

"Of course, I must have my free items of the day!" Kakuzu exclaimed. Burnt Taco sighed, pulling out their presents for the day. How did I get a bag that could hold this much stuff? Whatever… The present of the day was not shawls, not pants, but popcorn.

"Popcorn?" Everyone asked.

"Yes, its food; food tastes good so I gave you some!" Miss. Author said, irritated. Food always beats out clothes for my friends and me! I mean hippielicious gave our friend Princess Get Up and Vacuum a jar full of truffles and they were freakin delicious! So, of course I'd give food on the tenth day of Christmukkah and clothes on the fifth! I want some of those truffles now…

* * *

**I don't want to say what happens on the fifteenth day, let's just say I gave everyone more food; I went and contacted hippielicious and we went and got pretty smelling candles and truffles for everyone, lucky them!**

**Skipping to day the twentieth**

Burnt Taco had big presents for everyone to open on the last day of Christmukkah; Tohru was excited to finally get to open her big present which was just a bunch of pretty smelling lotions and soaps and more pretty smelling candles. Kakuzu was given a huge stack of money while Hidan was given a CD of Christian music. **(: BT: Aren't I nice? :) **Just kidding, I got him the sushi knives he wanted so badly got a spare arm, you know just in case he loses the ones he's using now or if they get broken… Kyo and Yuki both got more food, some of my parents' fried rice! It's actually pretty good. Shigure got a whole bunch of kimonos and Pein and Konan were just given a bunch of expensive jewelry. Kisame was given mikopandax3's favorite snack, fishcakes! Itachi got some hair care products while Zetsu was given a pet Venus fly trap! Now, Deidara's present is my absolute favorite out of them all! There was a giant box, and I mean big enough for a person to fit into, this giant box had 'Deidara' written on it in playful purple permanent marker and was sitting in the living room just waiting for Deidara to open it.

"Deidara, you NEED to open your present now!" Miss. Author shouted. Deidara went over to his giant box and opened it gingerly and pop!

"DEIDARA-SENPAI! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER!" Tobi cried. "DID YOU MISS ME?" Deidara had the best look on his face; it was a look of utter terror mixed with panic mixed with astonishment mixed with surprise. You should've seen it; it was great!

"SO, MISS. AUTHOR FOUND ME WHEN I GOT LOST TRYING TO MAKE A PURPLE BRICK ROAD THAT WOULD LEAD US HOME!" Tobi cried.

"What are you talking about?" Deidara asked.

"Alright, I'll explain. So, Tobi was off on his own since everyone had left correct?" Burnt Taco began, Deidara nodded.

"Well, before she left Konan had read him Hansel and Gretel thus showing him that it was a good idea to make a trail to retrace his steps with. That's were he got the idea to try and find you while he laid down a road of scattered purple bricks, since he realized that bread crumbs would get eaten by the birds, right Tobi?" Miss. Author continued.

"Well, we kinda ran out of bread." Tobi answered in the background.

"Now, it's your job to find and follow this road home." Miss. Author finished.

"How are we supposed to follow this road when we can't find it?" Pein asked.

"I don't know, you tell me. It's your thing, I just write the story from the comforts of my home and I know how to get back to my house."

* * *

**Right before the Akatsuki attempt to leave to find the scattered purple brick road…**

Momiji had come to wish Tohru a happy Christmukkah and Tobi became immediate friends with him.

"HI!" Tobi shouted waving an arm in the air.

"Hi," Momiji replied. Tobi and Momiji hit it off as soon as they met, thus fueling Deidara's rage more and more. He soon could not handle it anymore and began to reach into his pocket and make clay sculptures… Casually tossing them near Momiji and Tobi he blew them up, Tobi being used to this instinctively ran away when he saw what was going on Momiji wasn't so lucky.

"Oh my gosh you killed Momiji!" Yuki cried.

"You bastard!" Tohru shouted, finally losing her cool.

* * *

**Wasn't that a great way to end the chapter? South Park style! Alright, due to request I shall write out the journey back home starting with the finding of the Purple Brick Road. Then there is Tampon Bay, the Condom Tree, Pregnancy Castle (the land of all the rejected pregnant hookers) and some other stuff but that's a surprise! :P**

**~Burnt Taco out!**


	13. Bricks of Purple

The morning of the search for the Random Purple Brick Road was foggy, very foggy. Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan were in the bathroom getting ready to leave as the others waited for them to come out; Kakuzu pounding on the door,

"Time is money, Hidan! Get out now!" The door suddenly opened and Hidan's outstretched hand threw a can of hairspray at Kakuzu's head.

"Not ready yet, bastard; and here's your damn money," swear jar… With that he slammed the door in Kakuzu's face, who looked forward with surprise at Hidan's reaction to _the jar _and how calm he had been in responding to his demands. Pein and Konan exchanged glances and Tobi began to fidget in his seat; you know how we A.D.D. people are, we can't sit in a seat for more than two minutes without blowing up. **(: BT: I actually don't think I have Attention Deficit Disorder, I can focus pretty well; example: I can sit at the computer for an hour writing FanFiction without exploding and leaving brain juice all over our new computer monitor. :) **Tobi stood up,

"When is Deidara-Senpai going to be done?" Tobi whined bouncing up and down, Sasori sighed and rolled his eyes in the corner while he worked on his puppets. Kisame and Zetsu intently continued to stare at the figurines Shigure had of the twelve zodiac animals. The door to the bathroom opened with a clickey noise and Itachi stepped out, steam coming from the inside of the bathroom. Kakuzu attempted to run inside but Kisame held him back,

"You don't want to go in there, silly!" Kakuzu broke free of Kisame's grip and ran into the steam-filled bathroom, grabbing Hidan, who was in the process of gelling his hair, by the collar and dragging him out. Hidan was about halfway done so part of it was nice and the other half looked messy. Tobi soon followed pulling his senpai out, Deidara who was not done with his hair looking flustered.

"What do you think you're doing?" Deidara snarled, "Aurgh, I AM NOT DONE-un!"

"Neither was I, you ass hole, but you don't see me complaining," Hidan said calmly, pushing back the other half of his hair with the leftover gel on his hands.

"That is not fair, you have gel on your hands and you threw my can of hairspray at Kakuzu-un." Deidara whined, Hidan thrust his hands full of gel at Deidara's head,

"Here. Take it."

* * *

After a considerable amount of time waiting, Deidara was ready. (It was a three hour wait… Yeah, that sounds right.) Before they departed Tobi turned towards the house and looked at the window where Tohru's room would have been,

"Bye bye, Tohru-chan," he chimed, Hidan pulling him back,

"We don't want anyone to know we're leaving, you little ass hole, so _shut up_," he hissed. Konan glared at him,

"Tobi, where is your 'Random Purple Brick Road'?" She asked, in a reassuring voice trying to prevent a potential spaz attack.

"Ooooh, it's, uh, that way! That way!" Tobi cried happily, pointing westward and running. Mission Accomplished: Potential spaz attack has been stopped.

"Finally, a way home!" Deidara cried in joy, "I can finally get home and blow up that _stupid_ Kyuubi-un!"

The group continued in the way Tobi had directed them, soon stumbling upon a purple brick sitting, very lonely, in a pile of poop.

"Found it!" Tobi shouted,

"That's it?" Deidara cried, "Tobi, DAMN YOU-un!" Tobi looked down, he had disappointed his senpai. Tobi went into the corner and pouted, all eyes turned to Deidara in protest, and silence reigned. Eventually, Sasori broke the silence,

"Deidara, that _thing_ there-" he said pointing to the brick in the poop, "is our only way home and the only people who know where those _things_ are located are Tobi and that dumb author but that stupid author decided to leave us to flounder as we searched in a hasty attempt to keep the story from ending." **(: BT: Psh, not true! It was a request to document the journey home, gosh Sasori, not cool! :) **Before they could leave to find the next brick they had to get Tobi off of the ground and out of the corner so he could guide them got tired of waiting for Tobi to get up on his own accord so he took matters into his own hands…

"TOBI, GET UP! _**NOW! **_WE'RE GOING HOME!"Hidan said through gritted teeth, kicking Tobi off of the ground. Tobi looked up, tears welling up in his eyes; he sniffled and pointed east,

"I think it's that way…" he said quietly. Tobi got up off of the ground, pulling on Kisame's Samehada for support, causing Kisame to fall over dragging Tobi back down with him. They fell with a boom, Tobi then grabbing onto Zetsu for support, Zetsu being all plant-like was totally rooted to the ground so he didn't fall over, he just bent over in an awkward fashion. As soon as Tobi and Kisame were off of the ground they began their trek home once more. Ever so slowly they eased their way forward for Tobi needed to use every ounce of his mental being to remember where he had placed his bricks…

* * *

Several days had passed since they were last at Shigure's home when the Akatsuki came across a mysterious bay; in this bay sat many peculiar items: tampons, many, many tampons of various sizes.

* * *

**BT: I'm baaaaack! It's been a while but I can explain but I'm not in the mood to do so now… If you leave me a message I'll answer then but otherwise you can make up your own scenario for why I haven't updated in a few months; have fun! Also, thanks go to Raerin-chan, gaara'sGurl101, as always: hippielicious, and miko-pandax3 (for help with the purple brick road crap).**


	14. The Bay and The Tree

In a land far, far away… Next to a bay far, far away… Stood the Akatsuki… The mysterious mass of water was brimming with unknown objects… Tampons… Many, various sizes of tampons…

Konan went to the bay, known to you as Tampon Bay, and scooped up a large armful of the objects floating in its watery depths as many other women were doing. When the women saw Tobi approach they all waved at him,

"HI TOBI," they cried in unison. When Tobi saw this he became more curious about what Konan and the other women were up to and went to the female Akatuski's side, looking past her shoulder at the items in her arms.

"Konan, what are those?" Tobi said pointing to the unknown items; Konan didn't look up but shoved an armful at Tobi,

"I love these, keep them safe," Konan replied, Tobi took the tampons. _I should give them to Deidara-senpai_, he thought, _Deidara-senpai will enjoy them since Konan likes them so much_. He walked over to Deidara, smiling, and gave them to the young man,

"Tobi, what the hell are these for-un? Why are you giving me tampons?" Tobi was bewildered by the new word, '_tampon_'. Many women turned their heads towards Deidara and Tobi at this comment and most began to giggle. Some got up and went to Tobi's side telling him that he could give _them_ the tampons, but Tobi declined their offers, he wanted Deidara-senpai to have them.

"Konan said that she loved them so I thought you'd like them too!" Tobi smiled, Deidara frowned and threw the tampons on the ground, a feeling of displeasure building up inside of him. Tobi rushed to pick them up since Konan said to keep them safe, many other women rushed to Tobi's side and began to fight each other for the tampons. There were only so many tampons in Tampon Bay and Konan was prepared to take most of them; but she couldn't take all of them, if she took all of them it would just be Bay, not Tampon Bay.

"Senpai, why did you throw the _tampons_ on the ground? Konan says to keep them safe!" Tobi made sure to put as much emphasis on the new word as possible to show that he knew what tampons were. Deidara walked away without responding, following the rest of the Akatsuki to their next destination since Konan had gotten enough tampons to last her a good, long year.

* * *

The Akatsuki followed Tobi's lead as he scanned the ground carefully looking in every nook and cranny for any trace of a purple brick. He found one next to a tree with many items hanging down and a group of men beside it. They were all laughing and bragging about their penises. They all stopped when the saw Tobi come, the men went over to Tobi,

"Hey there, Tobi. How's it been? We haven't seen you by The Tree for some time now!"

Konan and Pein ran for the tree because the tree had condoms. This was The Condom Tree, a popular hangout for men ages 10 and on. The Akatsuki followed suit after Konan and Pein made the first move towards The Tree. Tobi didn't know what to do so he copied the motions of the others grabbing as many condoms as he could only to be scolded by the other Akatsuki, except for Kakuzu, saying that there are only so many condoms on the tree and you can't be taking them all. You need to make sure that there are still more condoms so others can find the tree, if you take all the condoms than it just becomes The Tree. Kakuzu said to get as many condoms as you could carry so that he could sell them online for money. The men around The Tree laughed at this and Tobi became bewildered once more,

"Deidara-senpai, is this a condom?" Tobi held up a condom in Deidara face, who swatted it away.

"Figure it out yourself-un!" Deidara trudged away to another end of The Tree.

* * *

The group began to wonder how _Tobi_ had come across such wonderful places on his own. The followed Tobi but Tobi got tired every few minutes and sat on the ground resting, so Hidan took the matters into his own hands…

"TOBI, UP _**NOW**_! WE ARE GOING HOME OR I _WILL_ **KILL** YOU!" Once again he kicked Tobi who got up by using Kisame for support, who fell over. Tobi couldn't see Zetsu so he grabbed onto Itachi's ponytail and he jerked backward. Tobi then reached for The Tree for support and finally getting up they began to move once more.

The end to the journey was near and Tobi knew it, he didn't want the adventure to end, he wanted to keep going on this quest for home for as long as possible… So, he took a little detour…

* * *

**Guess who actually put some thought into the detours? That's right, me! I put time and effort into thinking of the names of the detours! Tampon Bay is my spoof of Tampa Bay, get it? Get it? The Condom Tree is just a random thought that I had with my friends last year though, but since it was so amazing I kept it!**

**Soon, I may also have a deviantart account, isn't that great? Now you can see even further into the strange mind of Burnt Taco! Haha! My first divinations will definitely be my Soul Eater crossover comics! Sorry, just got a little excited there… heh heh…**

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!**

**~Burnt Taco**


	15. Samatha's Castle

"Tobi, where the f*** are we going?" Hidan looked at the masked man, who turned around and although you couldn't see his face appeared to be beaming.

"HOME," Tobi cried, trying hard to disguise his extreme excitement. He tried his hardest to look serious so the others wouldn't figure out his plans. The group proceeded down a long winding road, dark clouds looming overhead. The path lead them down a road with decrepit looking trees and the dark looming clouds began to pour out rain, large drops filled the sky. Deidara turned toward his partner and glared at him,

"God damn it, Tobi, my hair is getting wet." Tobi looked at him, enraptured,

"Why didn't you wear your hat?" There was no reply, "HERE WE ARE!" All the heads turned towards Tobi,

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT _THING_?" Hidan looked at Tobi with anger and disbelief. In front of the Akatsuki was a large castle with buttresses and turrets emerging high above their heads. Out of the castle came a legion of hookers, pregnant hookers. One of the ugliest hookers in the bunch came to Tobi and gave him a hug which looked more like she was trying to strangle him. The Akatsuki exchanged glances; Konan looked at the hookers and grimaced. One of the hookers looked straight at Sasori and winked at him even though her wink was more of a facial spasm than a wink, he turned away and gagged. None of the hookers seemed to mind the downpour as each went to the Akatsuki, excluding Konan, hugging each of them and making bad attempts to flirt with them. Each of the Akatsuki made efforts to leave the grasp of the awkward hookers to no avail. Tobi was released from the grasp of the ugly hooker who had glomped him,

"HI, SAMANTHA," he cried ecstatically, Samantha looked at him but her lazy eye continued to stare in Deidara's direction, Deidara looking back and seeing her stare at him showing great surprise. Samantha the Ugly Prostitute, as she was more commonly called on the streets, had met Tobi when he was trying to find his senpai; he had been wandering on the streets about to die when Samantha had found him, like she did with most of the other hookers. She decided to take Tobi in under her wing because he was sure to attract customers and rake in lots of the money she desired. Women from all over would be attracted to her new lollipop mascot.

"How's my favorite lollipop doing?" Samantha said in her smokers' voice, nice and raspy; Samantha reached into her bra and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one and shoving it into her grotesque mouth.

"Absolutely wonderful! I brought my friends, if you guys don't mind!" Samantha's eyes swept over the crowd of men, and Konan, trying to understand how useful they would be in her 'house of hookers' and 'palace of prostitutes'.

"I'll take the blond one," she pointed her cigarette at Deidara who jumped, "and I'll take the red head," her cigarette moved from Deidara to Sasori who scowled. "Finally, I shall take the one there," she pointed to Hidan, "and the one with the black hair. Oh, and yes, I would definitely like the woman with the blue hair, I am in need of a non-pregnant hooker," Samantha moved on to point of Itachi and then Konan. She clapped her hands together, "come, come, my children." Hidan refused to follow the overweight hooker into the dark castle ahead of him,

"Jashin is telling me not to enter that thing," he said plainly. Samantha clapped her hands again, this time four or five hookers came up from behind Hidan and grabbed onto him pulling him inside. Along with Hidan, Deidara and Sasori had to be dragged into the castle as well; Itachi went inside not paying attention, his mind thinking of ways he could escape the walls and grasp of the hookers. Samantha turned to face the Akatsuki she had recruited to be her new 'man whores' and 'un-pregnant hooker',

"Welcome to F*** You Castle," she clapped her hands once more and the lights flickered to life in the castle filling the room with warmth. The Akatsuki could now see Samantha for all that she was, an overweight, prostitute with a lazy eye and too much glittery eye shadow. Deidara looked disgusted and Sasori turned away trying hard not to make eye contact. Itachi was still lost in his thoughts while Hidan proceeded to begin breaking things out of anger. Konan looked frustrated and her face contorted and turned red with anger.

* * *

Outside, the other Akatsuki that were rejected sat in the rain pondering how to break Tobi out of the castle and get home. Eventually they agreed that they would have to break into F*** You Castle in the wee hours of the night and convince Tobi that home was better than this place.

The hours passed as the Akatsuki waited for night to come, Pein decided that he would go inside and help to convince Tobi. He could easily pass as a normal 'man whore' unlike the others. Pein climbed into one of the many open windows which he hoped was that of someone he knew, his heart racing he leapt down and saw to his relief Sasori fiddling with one of his joints. Sasori turned to look at the leader and they exchanged glances and knew what needed to be done. Sasori led Pein to Hidan's room and together the three of them went to knock some sense into Tobi…

* * *

**Kon'nichiwa, o genkidesu ka?**

**I am finally back in business! I have more excuses for you! So, I went to the library and I was thinking to myself, "I hope they have some manga that I want," it turns out there were twelve there that I wanted so I took all twelve and I just finished reading ten of them last night. Me and my weird interests. I probably shouldn't be starting too many new manga because I've already got so many I'm trying to read already! Ahahahaha! Hikaru no Go, Soul Eater, D. Gray-Man, Bamboo Blade, Future Diary, Inu-Yasha, Fruits Basket… Not to mention that I'm watching the anime Code Geass and Angle Beats because I'm too lazy to read all the manga! Aha… Mkay, this is the final stretch of the Deidara in Fruits Basket journey! Hope you guys enjoy the last bits of the story!**

**~Burnt Taco**


	16. Just a little announcement for you all

Hey there, friends!

It's been years since I've been on this account and I apologize to all of you who have favorited and followed my story. I'm planning on moving this to my new account because I'm definitely not continuing it as is. That thing is a monstrosity of 6th grade writing and must be put down. Immediately. It must be killed with fire. My new account name is Master Boss and at the moment it is mostly Hetalia based, but Deidara in Fruits Basket can easily be moved there in order to give it some pizzazz. And also so that you all can see how the story will end...and this time, it'll have plot! Yes! Content! Content is a great thing to have!

I hope you all can forgive me for not finishing the story before but as I matured the story became mundane for me to write and it also lost it's specialness when I stopped reading Naruto back in the 7th grade. Everyone died and I rage quit and ran away...then I moved on to more manga and it all became good again. But I'll reread and rewrite the entire story onto my new profile and this time, it'll be a lot better. I shall use my Senior in High School writing abilities, which still aren't that great, to create a piece of wonder that we can all love together.

Please don't kill me because I'm not up to date on the Naruto world. I believe I stopped reading when Itachi died and my mind blew up into a million shards of pain. It was not a good time. Since then, I've read many other stories and I really have to hand it to Naruto because it really got me into manga and anime. Thanks, little man. I finally believe it, like you always told me to.

I love you all and thank you for your continued support.

Love and besos,

~Burnt Taco AKA Master Boss


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